Is This Going To Be Goody Friday?
Fans of the former reality TV star Jade Goody have been clutching their radios and mobile phones close to their ears all day today, eager for news on the rapid demise of their heroine - that's heroine not heroin, you idiots! - and to see if she's man...
Read full storyArsenal Lifted By Fabregas Return
Arsenal have received a massive boost with the return to training of their captain Cesc Fabregas after a serious spitting injury. The Spanish midfielder has been out of action since rupturing his tonsils when clearing his throat gainst Liverpool...
Read full storyTom Cruise and Anthony Hopkins to star in biopic of Joseph Fritzl
MAIM executives in Hollywood today announced they were putting a biopic of the life and crimes of Austrian Joseph Fritzl into production, and that it would star Tom Cruise and Anthony Hopkins. In true Hollywood tradition it will be entirely accura...
Read full storyBBC Cut Backs Hit Dr Who
The BBC has announced numerous cut backs as the recession bites. The popular sci fi series Dr Who has been radically overhauled - starting with the Tardis. The Doctor was famed for his Police Box time and space traveling machine. However, the prog...
Read full storyGoodies Terminally Ill
The Goodies are terminally ill and are very near the end. Their sickness first came to light when they released "A Man's Best Friend Is His Duck". They were never to recover. Graham Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie have gradually wasted aw...
Read full storyAnother Austrian Nazi Story
The US has deported to Austria a former SS man it says was involved in the Nazi killing of more than 8,000 Jews, shot in a single day and buried in pits. Nasty bastard. Josias Kumpf, 83, moved to the US from Austria in 1956, settling in Wisconsin...
Read full storyBush Memoirs In Full
We have managed to get an exclusive look at the soon to be published memoirs of George W Bush. He has decided to publish details of all the decisions he took himself during his time in office. And here they are. Bush has signed a deal for an undisclosed sum, but it is believed to be substantially more than the numbers of brain cells he has. So that's £3...
Read full storyJosef Fritzl Sentenced To Life In Cellar
Austrian Josef Fritzl, who kept his daughter in a cellar for 24 years, and fathered her seven children, has been convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment in a cellar! Fritzl, 73, was found guilty of all charges against him, including rape, in...
Read full storyBoogertown Grandma Fills Family With Lotsa Love & E.coli
Edith "Grammas" Snotgrass makes a Booger County Catfish Festival-award winning vanilla custard pie, but she won't be receiving any awards for kitchen sanitation. The 72-year-old grandmother of twelve cooked a birthday brunch on Sunday for her thr...
Read full storyMysterious Attack On White House; One Held
A man is helping Washington police following an attack on the White House. It is believed that a baseball was thrown through a window late last night. Security forces were quick to respond and an arrest was made. The individual was led away talking g...
Read full storySpanish Robo-Fish To Target British Holidaymakers
It was announced today that in an attempt to cut pollution on the Spanish coast during the Summer holiday season, scientists will release robot fish which are capable of tracking down excrement from British tourists. Modelled on carp and costing...
Read full storyAfrican Child Witches: The Heartrending Scandal
Bountifully, Africa has given much to the world of journalism: AIDS, Ebola, drugs, rape, child abuse, famine, blood diamonds, genocide, Apartheid, governmental corruption and now thankfully...WITCHCRAFT Over the past few years I've heard many the occasional vague rumour of heartrending stories possibly involving children, as young as 2 hrs old being labeled as 'witches', 'wizards' and 'warlock...
Read full storyBritish Army: Ill Equipped For Action
Soldiers in the British army are having their lives put at risk in order to save a few quid. In a report that will shame this government, experts say that unless large sums of money are spent on the armed forces we will witness scores of unnecessary...
Read full storyJade Goody's condition "still" dying
The nation was gripped last night at the news that Jade Goody is "still" dying of Terminal Cancer. The Reality TV star and stunt double for everyone's favourite television porker "Babe" was engaged in a particularly scandalous orgy with several m...
Read full storyIt's Geoff Boycott's Corridor of Uncertainty IV
We have had a letter from a reader. And it's a corker Dear Mister Boycott I hope you can help me, I am a big fan even though my Dad says you were quite slow and boring. I am in the Under-15s and wearing a box when I'm batting is now starting to hurt. I get quite sore and swollen and when Mrs Prior was umpiring last week I became faint and had to be retired hurt. Should I stop wearing a...
Read full storyLenny Kravitz wins childrens' award
Lenny Kravitz is a singer/songwriter who has had many hits over the years, which are notable for their unique guitar playing and imbecilic lyrics. In fact because of his guitar style and black skin, he has often been compared to Jimi Hendrix. But rec...
Read full story"Virus rights" bombers jailed
Three activists were today jailed for the firebombing of a research facility in Cambridge which specialised in looking for a cure for AIDS. The activists were members of "Viruses, Infections And Germs' Rights Association" (VIAGRA), which is running a...
Read full storyDarling "Will Never Recover" Doctors Say
Doctors treating Alistair Darling said today that they feared he will never recover. He is already in the advanced stages of Bullshitisimus and there appears to be no hope. Dr Andi Medix, of the Dennis Healey Foundation For Economic Crackpots said...
Read full storyBeyond Your Ken
My Transcendant Wholistic Anti-Dualistic Dharmic Law of Everything, which I refer to by the acronym, A.B.A.T., is beyond your ken. How could it not be, since it is Dharmically-Revealed, Integral Virtually Everything Law - the product of an Integrally-Developed, Integrally-Overarching Theorist? I came to the A.B.A.T. only after many, many years of deep meditation, studying at the feet of hund...
Read full storyPacific Volcanic Eruption Narrowly Misses Spoof Pirate Ship
A bit of a mad volcanic eruption out there somewhere in the Pacific ocean was believed to have only missed the Spoof ship, HMS Buggerall by a matter of inches. There is reportedly no cause for concern, since Earl Grey has finally submitted his rib...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Arrested Again
The St Lucie County Sheriffs Department have just confirmed the arrest of right wing celebrity blowhard Rush Limbaugh. It's been revealed that Mr. Limbaugh was arrested in a Fort Pierce Walgreens drive thru, in the early hours this morning demandi...
Read full storyAsterix the Scab
Many, many years ago, all Gaul was ruled by the Strikers. All? Not quite all, for in one tiny part in the north-west lived Asterix the Scab, and his friends and their families, all of whom refused to be told what to do by the Strikers. Taking a swig of magic potion that the local druid Horlix had prepared, to give him the strength to hide behind corners when the Strikers marched past, Asterix s...
Read full storyBelow Decks Chapter 17: A New Arrival
Recap: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen | Chapter Fifteen | Chapter Sixteen Recover from the celebrations? Some bloody chance. Earl Grey was in limbo. Somewhere between life and death. His head belonged to so...
Read full storyDev Patel, Is Sharon Stone Still Chasing Him?
Sharon Stone's latest "Innocent" victim is 18-year-old, Slumdog Millionaire star Dev Patel, say insiders, who first brought it to attention of reporters in February. According to Patel's text messages to friends, the "older woman" came on to him a...
Read full storySpoof Writer Discredited By Richard Head
Not one, but three notable thespoof.com writers were today attacked and discredited by 'so far up my own arse it's unbelievable' Spoof writer, mucky duck, who was named after a disreputable pub in Portsmouth, Hampshire, just down the road from Portsm...
Read full storyMeh wins 'Expression of Nonchalance' award for second year
In a hard fought battle, the word Meh has just pipped a silent shrug to the title of Expession of Nonchalance 2009. Meh has been a favourite for the title since it easily beat the previous titleholder Whatever in 2007. At the awards held in Londo...
Read full storyNatasha Richardson? She looked an awful lot like Kim Cattrall say fans
New York - (RIP Ass Mess): Were they indeed twins, parted at birth, only to re-emerge as umbilical cord siblings following the tragic demise of La Dolce Richardson? That is the uppermost question troubling LA FagHagSlagMag editors this week after...
Read full storyThat Clock Is Slow, Just Like Your Son. By: Neil Gerhard, Dean of Admissions
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Dawkins, please have a seat. How are you on this lovely day? I take it you are here to discuss the eligibility of your son, Barry, to attend this fine university? I have perused your son's transcripts, along with his essay numerous times, and...you know what I love doing? I love spinning in my chair. Yep. I love spinning in my imported Italian Leather chair and looking aro...
Read full storyChinese nuclear submarine crash behind 'Tonga ocean volcano eruption' story
Pacific ocean - (Seismic Fishy Tales Mess): A tense standoff between the US Navy surveillance ship Impeccable and the Chinese fleet's flagship Who Flung Dung nuclear submarine resulted in a massive underwater crash today. Pentagon sources immediat...
Read full storyNationwide strike hits France
Millions of workers across France were on strike again today, to protest against what one union leader called 'the government taking professional economic advice, and using tried and tested methods to deal with the current situation in France. This m...
Read full storyBrown & Darling in Another Fine Mess
Gordon Brown and Alastair Darling are to feature in a new childrens book which will be distributed to schools throughout Britain and will teach children about good money management. In the book entitled "Another Fine Mess" they assume the characters...
Read full storyMass Arrests Follow Web Sting Operation
An unprecedented 18 million UK residents have been arrested today by Police, following a major sting operation. In a combined covert operation managed by the Labour Party, MI5 and the Serious Organised ThoughtCrime Unit of the Metropolitan Police,...
Read full storyHoly Hand Grenade of Antioch spoofs London bomb disposal cops
London - (Holy Ass Mess): A Monty Python & the Holy Grail film prop, left over 30 years ago under a fire hydrant cover in Shoreditch, East London, spoofed London's bomb disposal cops and caused thousands of office workers to be evacuated today.
Read full storyFabregas Has Hyperactive Salivary Glands Claims Wenger And Arsenal
Arsene Wenger and various executive suits at the Arsenal Desperates (Degenerates?) Stadium today issued a statement to the effect that, following accusations that skipper Cesc Fabregas spat at Hull City assistant manager Brian Horton, AND at kraut ca...
Read full storyIndiana Mother of Three asks President to Stop Talking About Her
An Indiana mother of three who recently lost her job and doesn't know where her rent check will be coming from recently asked the President to stop talking about her. "It's pretty embarrassing" said the woman and added "I know the stimulus pac...
Read full storyHistorian Claims Adam Sandler Was Once Funny
Dr. Marshall Turner from The University of California has made a startling claim that may turn Hollywood upside down. He claims that Adam Sandler actually used to be funny. Dr. Turner, who smokes a pipe, says that through some hard searching,...
Read full storyDancing On The Ceiling's Not On Either Warns Doris Johnson
Hot on the heels of warnings about dancing in the street, London Mayor, Doris Johnson today added this chilling rejoinder: "Dancing is the street is obviously wrong, but dancing on the ceiling is even worse. If you're dancing on the ceiling then f...
Read full storyBank Holiday chaos predicted in Government Gnome Coning Fiasco
Geoff Hoon the Secretary of State for Transport was forced to apologise to the house this morning after a disastrous mix up in a secret Government laboratory in Croydon. Due to a spelling error by a junior staff member the Human Genome Cloning pro...
Read full storyLiam Gallagher To Bring Back Shell Suit
One-time rock and roll hard man, Liam Gallagher, has launched his new clothing line 'Pretty Green' because he couldn't find the kind of clothes he likes in the high street. "It's mental man" the mouthy Mancunian told reporters today. "Primark used...
Read full storyBrian Clough to become Prime Minister
After years of two sycophantic and simpering Labour Prime Ministers, the Queen invited Brian Clough to Buckingham Palace today, to take Gordon Brown's place as Premier. 'By 'eck', he said, after talks with Her Majesty, 'you've got to 'and it to th...
Read full storyIs LeAnn Rimes Having An Affair?
Has LeAnn Rimes been caught having an affair with her "Northern Lights"onscreen love interest? That's the shocking allegation made by US Weekly about the country cutie who's accused of falling for her Lifetime TV movie Northern Lights costar Eddie...
Read full storyBrian Clough Film Re-writes History
The wife of legendary football manager Brian Clough, has hit out at a film of his life, based on a book that she claims is "complete garbage" The film 'The Damned United' appears to make the controversial claim that Clough, whose nickname was "Gob...
Read full storyElimination At "American Idol" Now Down To Ten
Fans of "American Idol" eliminated Alexis Grace from the show's eighth season on Wednesday night when they cast the fewest votes for the Memphis singer's rendition of Dolly Parton's "Jolene" during the show's country music-themed week. "She just d...
Read full storyApril Fool's Day!
Happy April Fool's Day to all The Spoof! readers Did you notice the tricks we played on you to celebrate April Fool's Day this year? Have a look through the articles on the main pages of TheSpoof.com and I'm sure you will notice that all is not as it first appears. Found the April Fool's stories? They are mixed up with all the others, but you will probably be able to pick them out if you c...
Read full storyFamous person dies, family "devastated"
Today we can sensationally reveal that the family of a famous dead person are devastated at their passing. After literally hours of extensive research (mostly conducted in the business lounge at London's Heathrow Airport waiting for the next service...
Read full storyDancing In The Street - It's Not On, Warns Met Police Chief
Following an announcement that summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the street, Met Police Chief Arnold Grumble warned potential street dancers: "It does matter what you wear. We will not tolerate shoddy, ill fitting clothing. Just a...
Read full storyMuhammad's Carpet to be Auctioned
A carpet, purchased 150 years ago to decorate the tomb of the Prophet Muhammad in Media is due to be auctioned today. The carpet, which is largely red and blue and decorated with pearls, was made in the 1860's and was bought by the Prophet's desce...
Read full storyUK paving slabs in euro madness
In a move expected to cost £18million, EEC commissioners have announced that all Britain's paving slabs will have to be changed as they are all slightly undersized. The standard European regulation size is 45 x 45 centimetres, and the UK's are 40...
Read full storyPrime Minister bitten by Snake - Snake dies! Police hunting rare Poisonous Monkey!
Prime minister Gordon Brown was last night bitten by a Gaboon Viper and given a Chinese burn on his wrist by a rare poisonous monkey concealed in an Indian takeaway. The takeaway had been ordered by The Chancellor but was mistakenly delivered to N...
Read full storyJamie Oliver "Well Up Fer It" With Barack Obama
Jamie Oliver is said to be "well up fer it" after Downing Street announced that Gordon Brown is planning to take Barack Obama to his restaurant 15, when he comes to the UK for the G20 Summit. It is thought that security teams visited the restauran...
Read full storyKerry Katona "Did Not Start Fire of London"
Fire investigators will be going into a listed building in central London later today, to try to find out what caused a fire in the early hours of this morning. Fire crews were called at around 2am to a blaze in a 15 bedroom 17th century house, cu...
Read full storyMax to Sue Neeson
Tabloid publicist Max Cash has today announced that he is to sue the estate of Natasha Richardson, who tragically died yesterday following a skiing accident. In a statement released through his solicitors Frameup, Chasem & Ambulance, Mr Cash s...
Read full storyFossil shows Jesus used condom: Pope in shock
The fossilised remains of Jesus's penis have been examined by scientists at the University of Cock in Sweden. They claim that remnants of sheep stomach cells can clearly be found in the folds of his rather prodigious member. DNA testing proves that t...
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