Historian Claims Adam Sandler Was Once Funny

Written by Vondrook

Thursday, 19 March 2009

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Dr. Marshall Turner

Dr. Marshall Turner from The University of California has made a startling claim that may turn Hollywood upside down. He claims that Adam Sandler actually used to be funny.

Dr. Turner, who smokes a pipe, says that through some hard searching, he has found evidence contrary to Adam Sandler's current status as "bland, boring, and unfunny."

"I know what you're saying," Dr. Turner stated. "You're saying, 'Oh, what a ridiculous find. It's hogwash. That's like proving the sun revolves around the Earth.' But it's true. He used to be funny."

The revelation came to Dr. Turner while he was watching the Adam Sandler "comedy" Click, and saw the production company name, Happy Madison. "I thought to myself, 'Happy Madison? Where did that name come from?'" Dr. Turner immediately turned off the television and began to search through periodicals dating all the way back to the early 1990's! He searched the names "Madison," "Happy," and "Sandler," and struck gold.

"Apparently," Dr. Turner reports, "There were two movies starring Adam Sandler: Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore that came out in the mid-90's." Dr. Turner found these reclusive movies in the basement of his brother-in-law's and has watched them.

His claim: They're funny.

Skeptics are not so sure.

"He was never funny," said rival historian Claude Frumious, professor at Berkley. "Have you ever seen The Water Boy? There is no way that someone who wrote that could ever have once had even an inkling of comedic talent. I mean, what's next? Is Dr. Turner going to claim that Paul Newman was young once?" Then he scoffed.

The majority of historians seem to agree with Dr. Frumious, stating that giving his track-record, Adam Sandler is considered a 'dormant comedian,' who only appears on late night talk shows to promote movies no one will laugh at, let alone see.

Given the general consensus, Dr. Turner has his work cut out for him. "This is one hell of a claim, but it must be proven," Dr. Turner said in closing. "And you think Einstein had it hard trying to prove The General Theory of Relativity! Ha!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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