Obama Outs Himself
In a surprise move, President Obama publicly announced that he is a liberal. Apparently, he had known for a long time about his true political orientation but chose to hide it from everyone including his own family. "Yes, I am a liberal," said O...
Read full storyDoctors Discover Original Source of Swine Flu
Medical Researchers at Johns Hopkins University, in conjunction with the Mayo Clinic, have discovered the source of Swine Flu. The outbreak did not originate in Mexico as was previously thought. In fact, the disease begin in Hollywood. The outbr...
Read full storyFifth Indiana Jones Sequel to be Made
A fifth Indiana Jones movie is in pre-production in Hollywood. The movie will return the major players from Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull (including Harrison Ford, Shia LeBeouf, and Karen Allen). This movie will be shot principally in Washing...
Read full storyMotel's Complimentary Hot Breakfast Fails to Satisfy
Former guests of the Budget Inn and Travel Center of Wichita, Kansas are suing the hotel for failing to follow through on their advertisement of a "Complimentary Hot Breakfast" for their guests. "It was the main reason that we decided to stay there...
Read full storyScientists Halt Tropical Depression With Prozac
Meteorologists, working in conjunction with pharmacologists, have stopped a tropical depression in the Atlantic Ocean before it could develop into a full blown hurricane. As a general rule, a tropical depression develops into a tropical storm, and t...
Read full storySwine flu source traced to Area 51 bio weapons lab
NASA HQ, Groom Lake, Nevada - (X-Files Mess): Pentagon scientists are believed to be behind the manufacture of the H1N1 porcine norovirus in a crude attempt to curb illegal Mexican immigrants sponging off the US taxpayer. The Roswell bio weapon ex...
Read full story9/11 Conspiracy Theories Debunked
An eccentric British University Lecturer today denounced the conspiracy theories surrounding the 9/11 atrocities in New York City as: "Absolute bunkum." Conspiracists have claimed that the twin towers were rigged with explosives, that the plane...
Read full storySecret tape of Susan Boyle singing "Oooh Bodyfurm" in the eighties revealed
Producers at BGT are shamed-faced today, as tin-eared deranged, viewers of the programme have identified Susan Boyle as the voice behind the must have product of the eighties-'Bodyfurm Ladies thing-a-me-bobs.' The advert was a breakthrough; as be...
Read full storySwine flu - WHO speaks!
The World Health Organisation today issued advice to those worried about the swine flu pandemic. A spokesman said "Run. Run very fast. Run away, Just f***ing run." Emphasising the need not to panic, he added, "If you can't run, hide. This is retri...
Read full storySarah Jessica Parker betting scandal
Bookmakers have stopped taking bets on the winner of the 2014 Grand National when it was announced that Sarah Jessica Parker was expecting twins. High Street bookmakers Bill Hill said "It is inevitable that one of the Parker offspring will win the...
Read full storyNostrodamus Predicted Swine Flew - It Is Armaggedon
Nostradamus, who gets things right in retrospect, predicted the current level 5 pandemic of Swine Flu - and indeed this is it - Armageddon. Hooray. Morose singer Morrisey is ecstatic that the world is ending as am I - as I have criminal case hang...
Read full storyJade Swine Flu Claims Denied
Max Cash rushed to deny claims that scientists have approached him for 'permission' to exhume Jade's body, and that no-one, has suggested that swine flu was the real cause of Jade's sad death. He added that everytime one of his world mega stars d...
Read full storySwine flu - Mexican victim is 'taco-cardic'
A spokesman for a hospital in Mexico City has confirmed that a patient admitted with suspected swine flu has become tacocardic. The change in the patient's condition has worried officials, who previously believed that they could prevent the media...
Read full storyLawsuit Mayhem
The IFPI have gone lawsuit crazy after winning its case against The Pirate Bay. They are suing over 2000 Internet sites that end with "bay.com" or "bay.org" their PR spokesman, Serena Sutton-Smith, said. When asked why auction powerhouse eBay was...
Read full storyWhy is Mumbai terrorist asking for Pakistani Urdu newspaper - is he looking for secret ISI coded instructions?
MUMBAI, INDIA: The lawyer for Mumbai terrorist Kasab says his client is going crazy in solitary confinement and wants to take strolls outside his cell. He has submitted a list of requests from the last surviving Pakistani terrorist which includ...
Read full storySwan Flu Hits Zoo
SAN DIEGO, California - Zoo officials have just announced that when zoo workers were feeding the zoo's swan population this morning they happened to notice that a lot of the swans were acting strange. It seems that the swans were sitting in the c...
Read full storySpoofer Spoofs Spoofers, But in a Spiffy Way
After more than a year as a top paid writer for TheSpoof.com, and logging more than 100 stories in that same time frame, P.M. Wortham now claims that all news articles were in fact filled with false claims, exaggerations and outright lies. Arres...
Read full storySwine Flu Jokes Fly At NYC Mayor's Speech On Subject
Mayor Bloomberg's news conference on the flu Tuesday was interrupted by several sneezes and coughs - including one big coughing spell and grunting he faked. The mayor was counseling against too much handshaking, even as he downplayed the threat.
Read full storyGordon Brown loses "Blast Gurkhas into Space" vote
Gordon Brown's authority in the House of Commons is hanging by a thread today following the defeat of his proposal to blast Ghurkha war veterans into space. The highly controversial plan saw Nick Clegg and David Cameron join forces in order to def...
Read full storyYe Omen of the Guard predict right royal May Day disaster
Westmonster Abbey, London - (Mayday! Mayday! Ass Mess): The Queen's Body Guard of Ye Omen of the Guard warned cold war monrachy hoaxer Queen Elizabeth II today that she's got a fat chance of surviving beyond this Friday's sacred wiccan May Day festiv...
Read full storySwine Flu Source Uncovered
The world was stunned today when it was revealed that the outbreak of swine flu could be traced back to a single source. Kermit The Frog. The world famous TV presenter, actor, singer and global green icon was found to have first contracted the new...
Read full storyAfter tattoo, OctoMom installs ceiling mirror over her bed
Los Angeles, California - OctoMom just had a ceiling mirror installed over her bed so she watch herself breastfeed her babies. "It's the only way I keep an eye on all my babies, all at the same time while I'm breastfeeding them," said OctoMom, while...
Read full storyGuatemala To Invade Mexico
GUATEMALA CITY - The president of Guatemala Jose Juan Jose "Timmy" De Los Platanos has just issued a world-wide statement that his country plans to invade Mexico next Tuesday. De Los Platanos said that he is tired of the wind blowing the swine flu...
Read full storyPerle's B4 Swine...
Washington AC/DC - (TheoCon Ass Mess): GOP Prince of Darkness Richard Perle and his firstborn bastard son the Papal PA Monsignor Georg Gangswine are the main suspects behind a worldwide WHO Swine Fever cover-up it has emerged. Gangswine was DNA te...
Read full storyTwo British Pigs Kill Two Mexican Pigs
Two armed British pigs have shot dead two suspected terrorist Mexican pigs at Heathrow Airport. The two armed pigs shot the two suspected terrorist Mexican pigs after CCTC showed they were about to let loose a biological weapon, namely Mexican Swi...
Read full storyObama throws 100 days in office Kool-Aid party for remaining non-defecting Republicans
Washington, D.C. - President Barack Obama celebrated his one hundred days in office today by throwing a Kool-Aid party in the White House Rose garden for the remaining non-defecting members of the Republican Party. Meanwhile, recent democratic co...
Read full storyOne Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Nurse Hatchet looked up as Nothin' Newsworthy arrived at her cubicle for his medications. 'Two BBC sedatives, three Fox anti-intelligants, one Murdoch braincell-blocker', she read from her list, handing Nothin' his daily prescription. He pretended to swallow them, then went away to read a new book he had borrowed from the library. '1984' by George Orwell was all about government propaganda and...
Read full storyMel Gibson Shows Off Russian Girlfriend Olga at "Wolverine" Premiere
More than two weeks after his wife filed for divorce, a smiling Mel Gibson made a rare public appearance with his girlfriend Tuesday night at the L.A. industry screening of X-Men Origin: Wolverine. The star of Mad Max many years ago & who's e...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent- Hollie Steel is a '12' year old lady says bitter man on internet!
A bitter man on Ewe-tube, who owns a cat bearing a striking resemblance to "Pebbles-Cat', has made a startling claim that Hollie Steel is not a ten year old girl. No, she is possibly TWELVE and could even be older than Susan Boyle, but not quite as...
Read full storyLatest fashion for tin-foil hat wearers
A study has recently been conducted by a bunch of clever folk who discovered that love vibrations are much more subtle than hate vibrations. So the students came up with a creation that would restrict the entrance and exit of hate vibrations, but...
Read full storyOprah Winfrey's Sick Cocker Spaniel Puppy, Sadie Had Swine Flu!
The pup that had been hospitalized and finally quarantined for more than a week fighting off the potentially life-threatening disease of Swine Flu, which apparently recently killed Winfrey's other new puppy Ivan, who was Sadie's littermate. "We di...
Read full storySouth Koreans clone "glowing in the dark" Beagle dogs to save the world!
A highly sensitive research programme involving cloning Beagle doggies (instead of eating them!) was today divulged on BBC World and monitored by Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Inflitration Army) Headquarters. A certain nutty Korean Professor named He...
Read full storyRoller Blade Marathon Cheat Andre Exposed
Surprise London Marathon winner Peter Andre has been exposed as a cheat only days after claiming the men's crown. Many people raised eyebrows at the sight of the former one hit wonder crossing the line ahead of such marathon greats as Samuel Winj...
Read full storyMickey Rourke To Wrestle Hulk Hogan
HOLLYWOOD - Mickey Rourke, 56, has signed on to wrestle Hulk Hogan, 55, in a wrestling match that is being billed as The Battle of The Old Stressed Out Dudes. The match will take place in Las Vegas, at the brand new "Buffalo Chips Arena." It will...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez Breaks Seclusion, Seeing Bea Arthur At Night
Jennifer Lopez finally revealed to reporters why she has avoided everyone over the past several days. When speculation began about her having the Swine Flu, her manager insisted she make a statement. "No, I do not have the Swine Flu", stated J-Lo...
Read full storyNew flu outbreak: Wolverine virus hits town
Medical experts are flabbergasted that a new strain of flu virus has suddenly appeared in London. Authorities have isolated a young Canadian man with long sideboards and equally bizarre fingernails who appears to suffer from what physicians are calli...
Read full storyDraper's Libel Loss
As recriminations continue over Number 10's e-mail smear campaign, with Tory MP Nadine Dorries launching a claim for defamation against Damian 'Spawn of the Devil' McBride, it emerges that his colleague Derek Draper has lost a libel action against ri...
Read full storyNewcastle United Manager Alan Shearer sacked
In a move considered knee jerk even by Mike Ashley standards, Alan Shearer was sensationally sacked last night by the Newcastle chairman after just three games in charge. Shearer, tall, blonde, 41, from Newcastle was said to be "devastated" to be...
Read full storyYoung Man Swallows Own Face
In a stunning turn of events, a young man from the University of Flonders in Nigeria swallowed his own face after an attempt to swallow his nose. "Mmff bgg hll bffg hnnf," commented Shinead "Skinhead" O'Doodle, the 20 year old who was credited wi...
Read full storyBrad tells Angelina: "If you get knocked up one more time I'll slap you"
Lake Como, Italy - Brad Pitt has reportedly told live-in lover and mother of his six children Angelina Jolie not to get pregnant again. "I'm so tired of it" said Pitt "every time I turn around Angelina is pregnant. And if she isn't pregnant she...
Read full storyPrince Philip Refuses Travel To America
Buckingham Palace [UPI] - HRH Prince Philip has announced that, forthwith, he refuses to travel to the United States. He has based this decision on the fact that, in past journeys, he has always had to bear the responsibility of talking to fat, b...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan dates Peppermint Patty - Marcie devastated!
Lindsay Lohan, 22 has started dating Peanuts actress Peppermint Patty, much to the horror of her life long partner Marcie. Marcie, has been following the gravel-voiced, sandal-wearing Peppermint Patty around for years; calling her 'sir' and being...
Read full storyUS reports swine flu death; kills Porky Pig by mistake
Secret agents from the National Health Organization were reported to have shot and killed Porky Pig by mistake. The government denied the rumours that they killed the wrong swine to eradicate the flu circulating around Mexico. "We take special pr...
Read full storyOctomum has 100th Child!
Octomom, the mother of 14 children, has just announced that she is now pregnant with 86 babies. They are due to be delivered in early July. Octomom had this to say "I am overjoyed to be expecting these babies and I can not wait for them to arrive...
Read full storySwine flu cure's smoking
Scientist have discovered that new flu virus none to us as swine flu is a cure for the effects of smoking. While sufferers of swine flu have complained of flu like symptoms such as a sore throat headache and diarrhoea, smokers who have contract...
Read full storyMexican Wines Flew!
Today marks a milestone in aviation history. A new type of airliner took to the air for the first time. This is no ordinary aeroplane, although it may look similar, the aircraft has a revolutionary new engine that is fuelled by red wine. Red wine...
Read full storySwine Flu Proven to Turn People Into Swines
Shortly after a new outbreak was discovered, leading scientists found out the true symptoms of the swine flu hybrid: coughing, sneezing, and possible metamorphosis. "It's strange consequences at the research labs," said one of the scientists at...
Read full storySly Stallone to film next Rocky instalment - with a dark twist
Sicily, Italy - Sylvester Stallone has announced he is about to start filming the next Rocky instalment, Rocky VI VI VI (Rocky 666). "This one will be a little different." Wrote Sly in a note to me, after I asked him to repeat himself 13 times, expla...
Read full storyPosh admits sour facial expression is due to wind change
Los Angeles, CA - Victoria Beckham AKA Posh Spice has admitted in a candid interview with The Spoof that her sour facial expression is not a result of uncontrollable moodiness or snobbery as so many people believe, but is a result of a very great win...
Read full storyLondon Suburb Elephant & Castle to change name due to ridicule
London - the south-east London suburb of Elephant & Castle is to change its name by the end of this year. Residents of E&C are tired of being ridiculed and bullied for the nonsensical name of their suburb. They also believe the name is no l...
Read full storyCelebrity announces she has swine flu
In breaking news a rising Scottish female celebrity of song, made famous by the TV show Britain's Got Talent, but who is definately not Susan Boyle, has announced she has contracted swine flu and wants every body to know about it. She intends to...
Read full storyFemale Obesity Promotes Early Death and Great Tits
In the fattening awareness of the growing concern for weight gain in women, human body scientists have been serving up banquets of several new studies. Obesity and Diabetes; Obesity and your Blood Pressure; and Obesity and Rush Hour Subway Trains; ar...
Read full storyIowa Nude Country Corn Flakes Releases 1st Gay Couple Ad
Nude Country Corn Flakes has been advertising the unadorned and downright plain, call it nude, recipe for their nothing but Iowa corn flakes. The Mennonite farmer founders of the simple cereal never dreamt that their state's Supreme Court would grant...
Read full story10 Telltale Signs That Your Mother's Dead
Mums eh? Always there to reassure and cook for you. Always there to offer shrewd and wise observations on your latest choice of partner. Aren't mum's great? That is of course until you notice a bizarre absence in new memories relating to her. Here follows a list of 10 telltale signs that should inform you that she has in fact died and that you didn't just invent her whilst caned off of y...
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