Buckingham Palace [UPI] - HRH Prince Philip has announced that, forthwith, he refuses to travel to the United States.
He has based this decision on the fact that, in past journeys, he has always had to bear the responsibility of talking to fat, bloated American housewives; the spouses of local politicians or middle-level civil servants.
"This job I hold, it really is quite demoralizing. On state-side visits, I end up having to converse with these spouses who, during their working hours, spend their time fund-raising for local charities or other worthy causes but, in their off-hours, spend their time chowing down at the local pancake house or fast food outlet. When you talk to these women, you can actually imagine the trans-fats going into their heads and coagulating and subsequently dissolving various important parts of their brains. It's really quite disgusting."
The Prince went on to mirror his US experience with his visits to Europe:
"In contrast, when I travel to European countries, although the spouses of politicians and civil servants are less inclined to do charitable work, I do find it very difficult, indeed, to get past looking at their breasts; an activity that, I must say, I have learned to tolerate and, to a great extent, an activity I have been able to throw most of my physical and intellectual capabilities into, with a fervor and relish to the point, one might say, of almost gleeful abandon."