Westmonster Abbey, London - (Mayday! Mayday! Ass Mess): The Queen's Body Guard of Ye Omen of the Guard warned cold war monrachy hoaxer Queen Elizabeth II today that she's got a fat chance of surviving beyond this Friday's sacred wiccan May Day festival of Beltane.
Gathered at the Yeomen's Knave at the Abbey's Lady Chapel to commemorate the death 500 years ago of their founder King Henry VII the world's oldest military corpse (sic-k) are all expecting to cash in big time having taken out whopping huge bets on Old Fatty Mountbatten's death with internet spread-yer-legs betting site Aintgottaprayer.con.
The Tower of London's Waterboarding Suite is all set to receive national traitors starting with Prince Charles, Tony Blair, Gorgon Brown and the Papal Pro-Nuncio Sister Ingrid Stampa.