Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

image for Mickey Rourke To Wrestle Hulk Hogan
Mickey Rourke at the Condoleezza Rice Rehab Clinic in 2008, where he received therapy for excessive acting.

HOLLYWOOD - Mickey Rourke, 56, has signed on to wrestle Hulk Hogan, 55, in a wrestling match that is being billed as The Battle of The Old Stressed Out Dudes.

The match will take place in Las Vegas, at the brand new "Buffalo Chips Arena." It will be shown live in the Las Vegas area.

The Hulkster has stated that lately he has been stressed out from the ongoing troubles regarding his son Nick, aka the Nickster, his daughter Brooke, aka The Brookester, his wife Linda, aka The Lindaster, and his pool cleaner Ramon, aka the Ramonster.

Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea says that all of the proceeds he makes from the wrestling event will be put in a special fund to help pay for his soon-to-be-ex-wife's cellulite removal operation.

He added that if there is any money left over it will go to help Linda get immediate therapy so that she can figure out why a 49-year-old woman is messing around with her own son's 19-year-old friend.

When told of the Hulkster's remarks Linda said that Terry could kiss her 'decimal point' and that afterwards he could give himself an atomic leg drop, a running crooked arm lariat, and a belly to back suplex.

She added that she has already made an appointment to go to Lefty Lasur's Laser Tattoo Removal While-You-Wait Shop to have three of her tattoos dealing with her husband removed.

Linda was asked, but she adamantly refused to reveal what the tattoos are or where they are located.

No problem...The Hulkster was asked and he eagerly revealed that one tattoo says Hulk's Thigh and it is located on Linda's left upper front thigh.

A second tat says Hulk's Boob and is located on Linda's right boob.

And the third tattoo says Hulk's Third Base and is located on Linda's Third Base.

When Mickey was asked for his thoughts on the upcoming wrestling match he replied, "What wrestling match dude?"

And then he asked, "Hey has anyone seen my six or seven Chihuahua's they were here a minute ago."

When told that he had left them all at his home Mickey simply replied, "Really?"

Rourke was then asked what he thought about wrestling the 6 foot 7 inch, 300 pound Hulkster.

Mickey started coughing and said, "Hulkster? You mean as in Hulk 'The Hulkster' Hogan...hell I thought they said I was wrestling Andy 'Pencil' Dick."

Rourke quickly found a chair and he sat down. He began mumbling to himself.

His manager was asked what Rourke was saying and he answered that the best he could figure out was that Rourke was saying that he definitely has to find a way to quit drinking (for the eighth time).

In other news. President Barack Obama is so thrilled that Republican Senator Arlen Specter is defecting over to join the ranks of the Democratic Party that he has reportedly told Specter in the strictest of confidence that he does not have to worry about paying his income taxes for the next eight years.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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