The World Health Organisation today issued advice to those worried about the swine flu pandemic.
A spokesman said "Run. Run very fast. Run away, Just f***ing run." Emphasising the need not to panic, he added, "If you can't run, hide. This is retribution for all of the bacon sandwiches and pork chops the world has consumed, and there is no redemption."
The British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, issued a statement today in support of WHO's advice. "We have to respect the expert's opinions in this matter, and that is why I am reading this statement from my nuclear bunker in Greenland."
However not everyone agrees with the advice. David Cameron said "This is clearly an attempt from Labour to defect attention away from their disastrous financial performance and the thorny topic of fox-hunting." He added, "Attishooo."