European Immigrants want out!
As the recession in the states worsens, immigrants who have entered the United States during the past 10 years coming here for jobs and a new start, have decided that money is one thing they are not going to get here. After over a decade of bravi...
Read full storyObama - "I Really Want To Be A Capitalist Nigger!"
Following his recent visit to Scotland President Barack Obama has observed and stated that: "To date we The Black Race and our Scottish ally Beaders have depended on White Americans and English Sassenachs for our TV, our dress, our feeding (Mac Do...
Read full storyMinority Leader John Boehner publishes new book, "The Audacity of Nope"
John Andrew Boehner is a Republican who is currently serving as the House Minority Leader in the 111th Congress, and a U.S. Representative from Ohio's 8th congressional district. He recently wrote a book called the Audacity of Nope. The premise o...
Read full story"I ain't fat, I'm pregnant!" - Susan Boyle names Jade Goody widower as babyfather
London - (Incestuous Mess): Any day now a rumored Boyle/Weed chimaera is due to burst forth from its toxic amniotic sac, making the recent Goody/Weed nuptials totally irrelevant in retrospect. That's this week's LA FagHagSlagMag's lead story which...
Read full storyElton John To Sign On
Elton John has become the latest in a long line of celebrities to suffer as the result of the credit crunch. Down to his last £70 million the star has been forced to attend Watford Job Centre Plus. The singer was asked what his plans were. "It's a...
Read full storyHillary's Baghdad lunch menu
Here is the menu from Hillary Clinton's lunch in Baghdad: Entree Sheep's eyeballs roasted with parsley, thyme and rosemary's chopped-off hand Cockroach falafel Pureed goat's droppings in a dressing of balsamic vinegar, wrapped in poison ivy leaves Main course Frog's spare ribs wrapped in a deep-fried empty Red Crescent food parcel Bits of sheep, peppered with shrapnel Bits of Iraqi...
Read full storyThousands March Against Animal Testing
Thousands of protesters descended on London today to oppose the Government plans to test animals. Following fears that the country is becoming overcrowded the government decided to impose strict tests on animals. Horses will now be asked their tim...
Read full storyGordon Brown Admits "I've Never Been Kissed"
Government's Got Talent star Gordon Brown has announced that he has never been kissed. He recently shocked the Labour party with his dowdy appearance at the House of Commons. Despite his appearance he aims to win the competition. He is certainly t...
Read full storyHealth Secretary tells travellers: If you want to avoid swine flu don't sleep with pigs. Vatican condemns bestiality
LONDON, UK: In a major effort to prevent the spread of swine flu, the Health Department has issued the following caveat to travelers: Enjoy your overseas holiday but don't sleep with pigs. A newly released report says that normally the swine flu...
Read full storySusan Boyle to marry Shrek's cousin
Susan Boyle is to marry Shrek's cousin, the Hulk, this December. Publicity spokeswoman for Susan Boyle says the two have been dating for the last four months. The Hulk says in an interview, where he moans and groans, he has been wanting kids for...
Read full storyTories unveil plans for Primary School 'Domestic Flue Clearance Services'
The Conservatives today launched plans to allow primary schools freedom from local authority control in a move which is being widely seen to give the green light to them launching local profit earning businesses. Said a spokesperson, "We are build...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie marries Shrek
Angelina Jolie and Shrek the ogre are now happily married in their swamp habitat. Angelina admits the hardest part of their marriage is cleaning the green stains Shrek leaves on the blankets. Shrek the ogre now must deal with attempts by his wife...
Read full storyPakistan Waits Anxiously For Convict Cavalry Arrival
Islamabad, Pakistan - Pakistan President Zardari today welcomed Ministry Of Defence (UK) proposals regarding the liberation of north west Pakistan from the evil clutches of the Taleban. Pakistani authorities conceded that they had virtually lost c...
Read full story'Jade Goody the Musical' - Susan Boyle in line for lead role
Jade Goody's family and friends have succumbed to panic, they believe Jade 'What's her name' Goody, will be forgotten. The international attention paid to 'Britain's Got Talent', has grossly chipped away at Jade's memory and by the end of next week...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie and the Swine flu
Today actress Angelina Jolie visits a farm to adopt a pig named Johnson who is afflicted with the pandemic swine flu. She says, its the least she can do to help out during the potential crisis. This virus is a mix of human, pig and bird strains t...
Read full storyBenny Hill Statue Commissioned By City Council
Following on from a trend set by other councils across the country, Southampton City Council have commissioned a statue of two of the city's favourite sons, Benny Hill and Richard O'Sullivan out of Man About The House and Robin's Nest. The statue wil...
Read full storyPluto downsized to 'Disabled Mass'
HOUSTON, Texas - Pluto has done it again. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced this morning that the 'dwarf planet' Pluto would be downsized to a 'disabled mass'. NASA also said "We are still considering lowering it to O...
Read full storyMore Nostradamus quatrains discovered in French farmhouse
Further to a Spoof correspondent reporting last week on Nostradamus's predictions of recent events in the UK, another five quatrains have been discovered in a farmhouse in France - coincidentally by another Spoof writer - and here are their translations and interpretations: 'When a serpent doth circle the palazzo of gold The little lord's teeth a wonder, behold! Are they are as away from how...
Read full storyPeston moves into new toilet studio
In a move seen widely as indicative of the state of the economic situation, the BBC has announced that Robert Peston, Business Editor, will now broadcast all pieces to camera from the toilet of his bijou, ranch-style home. A BBC News spokesman sa...
Read full storyLatvia decides to replace airforce with paper planes
The Federal Government of Latvia has announced it will replace its ageing air force fleet with 40 000 paper aeroplanes purchased from China. The Latvian Defence Minister announced this decision to astonished media at a press conference in the cap...
Read full storyReleased Convict Holds Up Undercover Cop At Undercover Cop's Convention
Jeremiah Redolpho Manchetteu, 21, is not particularly good at the robbery profession nor perhaps, even an ingenious idiot, but he's definitely headed for a whole new bumbler term of his own. While out on bail last week and awaiting his trial for...
Read full story350-Year-Old Penis Found
During some renovation work at an Attorney's office in London, a Junior partner in the firm of Fergus, McCoy & Wisenheimer found quite a surprise behind the wall of their ancient firm. Builders were working on Attorney Boody Wade's office when...
Read full storyLondon Marathon: Susan Boyle WILL Run
Susan Boyle, the new Scottish singing sensation who has wowed audiences worldwide with her songbird-like qualities, has told organisers that she WILL take part in tomorrow's London Marathon, and has a special treat in store for fans. Susan will SI...
Read full storyHomosexuality 'cure' quack stands to make billions
London - (Gay Ass Mess): World famous 'gay cure' quack Dr Joseph Nicolosi stands to make a massive fortune with this weekend's launch of his repetitive therapy injection company. Nicolosi, 69, is promoting his sure-fire treatment at an Anglican M...
Read full story£500,000 Jade Goody buffalo found in rusty old trunk
London - (Great Wailing Wall of China Mess): A five thousand year-old Chinese Jade Goody dead-ringer statue of a buffalo - or 'ancient oriental horny cow' - has been discovered in a rusty old trunk at a car boot sale in Wapping. Experts from the A...
Read full storyBurt Reynolds, GM Discuss Pontiac Division Deal Terms
ATLANTA, GA - With Gasosaurus Motorex (GM) struggling to maintain economic viability and pondering its End Game, GM's Pontiac division now faces The Longest Yard, and it's Uphill All the Way. Many insiders believe Pontiac's unfocused, Semi-Tough l...
Read full storyPope to tell Charles 'why he had Diana topped'
Rome - (Unholy Mess): In a prime time televised audience on Monday the Pope will tell Prince Charles 'why he had Diana topped' and hand him the legal bills for all the ensuing ungodly fuss. Charles and his live-in fag hag Camilla are travelling to...
Read full storyCats to the White House
Washington, D.C. Real change is coming to the White House, an executive spokesman says. The newly acquired dog will be ditched for four kittens. These will be named Paris, Hilton, Britney, and Spears. President Obama was made aware that the previo...
Read full storyBaby Mammoth's Prehistoric Fart Kills Three, Injures Fifteen
In Cleveland, Ohio, three researchers were killed and 15 more were overcome by toxic fumes as prehistoric putrefaction escaped from the antediluvian ass of a baby mammoth carcass. The world-renowned scientists had gathered at Case Western's Harr...
Read full storyThe Good Ship Chunderbucket
The New Zealand Navy was proud to put the newest addition to its fleet, the HMNZS Rotoitoi through its paces this week. The Rotoitoi was taken on its first full voyage and reporters were invited on board to participate in the event. The Rotoito...
Read full storyThe Bronx Zoo Is Having To Lay Off Lots of Animals
BRONX, New York - The national recession has now hit the financially-strapped, world-famous Bronx Zoo. Zoo Director Evelyn Muckenmuck said that in her 27 years as zoo director she has never seen a more sadly melancholic situation. She said that...
Read full storySimon Cowell Secretly Dating Susan Boyle
LONDON - Simon Cowell, the 49-year-old British television producer, music executive, and all-around talent show judge has denied rumors that he is secretly dating "Britain's Got Talent" singer Susan Boyle. Cowell who recently broke up with his lon...
Read full storySusan Boyle To Join Pussycat Dolls
Talent show star Susan Boyle is to replace Nicole Sherzinger in the Pussycat Dolls. Following the departure of their lead singer and most talented member the band have searched for a replacement. The Scottish spinster has been signed up and is set to...
Read full storyCloris Leachman Signs On As Spokesperson For Viagra
NEW YORK CITY - In an interesting advertising move, The Giddy Up Pill Company, makers of Viagra have just signed actress, singer, old gal Cloris Leachman who is 82 to be the new Viagra spokesperson. Miss Leachman will travel throughout the entire...
Read full storyJob Vacancy
Wanted: American President. Must have no experience. Needs passport and large teeth, must have strong right arm to wave a lot. Will be working with pet animals, such as little puppies. Duties will include talking a lot without saying anything, visiting foreign countries for no reason, and taming savage rodents of the hillariae rat species, that may wander into the house. Will be given lesson...
Read full storyAn Open Letter to Michel Platini on Racism in Football
Dear Mr. Platini, In response to your latest tirade against racism in football, it has to be pointed out that your conclusions are erroneous and false. In your days as a player you were a great footballer. However your place in the stadium was consistently on the pitch where you could hear the chants. However you were not privy to the thoughts and discussions that...
Read full storyToy Company Puts Out The Susan Boyle Action Figure Doll
LIVERPOOL, England - The Cinderella Toy Company of Great Britain has just come out with The Susan Boyle Action Figure Doll. The doll which retails for 35 pounds ($51.46, U.S.) is amazingly realistic in detail. The doll stands 10 inches tall and ha...
Read full storyPlane Stupid Woman Is Plain Stupid
A woman activist from the environmental protest group, Plane Stupid, who made an allegation that officers from Strathclyde Police approached her, and offered her payment for information about other protesters, has been called 'plain stupid'. Matil...
Read full storyUnder cover protestors
Police have issued a video tape of protesters trying to coerce policemen into acting like human beings. The protesting culprits were tracked down, and when interviewed in police custardy (which was very sticky and lumpy) said "We don't discuss m...
Read full storyPortsmouth FC To Buy St Mary's From Local Rivals
Reports emanating from Fratton Park appear to suggest that Portsmouth FC are prepared to offer bitter local rivals Southampton £10 million for St Mary's Stadium. It is a move which will clearly infuriate Saints fans, but a bloke in a suit coming out...
Read full storyPreschooler Charged With Manslaughter
Washington DC: A preschooler, Little Johnny (name withheld because he is a minor) has been charged with multiple counts of unintentional manslaughter. Little Johnny's defense attorney said that "the defense is pleading him not guilty by virtue of en...
Read full storyHitler Watercolour Sells For £10k At Auction
Ludlow, UK - A collection of thirteen watercolours by Adolf Hitler was sold at auction here today for an unexpected £94,895. The pieces were painted between 1908 and the invasion of Poland in 1939. Auctioneer, Freddie Charterhouse-Rivers told us:...
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