Further to a Spoof correspondent reporting last week on Nostradamus's predictions of recent events in the UK, another five quatrains have been discovered in a farmhouse in France - coincidentally by another Spoof writer - and here are their translations and interpretations:
'When a serpent doth circle the palazzo of gold
The little lord's teeth a wonder, behold!
Are they are as away from how they were taught
All thy salvations as dust, now gone to naught'
This clearly refers to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, describing his reptilian features and manner, and how he continually hangs around a palace in London, obviously the Buckingham one, hoping to be head of state, rather than just an annoying, slimy pest.
The 'little lord's teeth' is a play on words by Nostradamus, and means the way Brown now speaks like Little Lord Fauntelroy, depsite being 'taught' - in other words brought up to speak and speaking until three months ago with a strong Lowland Scots accent.
'Are they as are away' is the Scottish joke of people 'throwing the 'r' away' when trying to sound non-Scottish to English people, as Brown has been doing recently. The 'salvations' are of course savings, which have all disappeared thanks to Mr. Brown's careful regulation of the UK banking system.
'From the Occident sails a lady of dryness
Her hand holds a knife that shall join with the back
Swords cannot harm her where birds do not fly
She goes where she's told for the gold in the black'
The dry lady from the Occident - the West - is of course Hillary Clinton, and her dryness explains her husband's interest in one of his interns a while ago. And the knife in the back predicts how she has acted towards Barack Obama, trying to destroy him and then blackmailing him into giving her an important job.
The 'birds that do not fly' are the airliners parked at Kosovo airport, and the swords not harming her refers to her claim that snipers were shooting at her there, though this never happened. Black gold is oil, and so she is currently doing what she is told, and visiting an oil-rich country to help Americans steal the oil from it.
'A dreadful boil rose all sudden at night
'Twas branded no hope in the house of red wines
Dross and the Madonna, the webbing's poor plight
Jaded, the ones that could write no more lines'
The 'boil' means the sudden appearance of non-entity Susan Boyle, 'branded' is Russell Brand, and 'the house of red wines' means Amy Winehouse. 'Dross' is Ross, and Madonna is that self-same dancer, and 'webbing's plight' refers to a website's difficulties with endless mentions of Boyle, Brand, Winehouse, Ross and Madonna. And of course mentions of Jade Goody.
'A young nation to a flag shall look with vast hope
For centuries nothing achieved yet by that land
But boxes and manuals and moving grey eyes
Will make them believe 'tis the world they have spanned'
The 'young nation' is the United States of America, where a piece of coloured cloth is seen as important by millions of its citizens, 200 years after other countries grew out of doing that. And despite achieving little since Independence, the 'boxes and manuals and moving grey eyes' refers to televisions, books, and movies - originally black and white, i.e. grey - that have persuaded Americans to believe that the USA is the most powerful and influential nation in the world.
An incredible feat, given that the other 90% of the world see Americans as just people to do their dirty work for them, in the modern world the rest of the world has created, and to do this dirty work when they're told to - British, Russians, French. Spanish, Israelis, Canadians. Australians, Swiss, Germans, Croatians, etc., etc.
'Five rings of Saturn shall burn in heavy bronze
Bubbling black, the station, and Oriental strings doth play
Londinium gold shall be stolen icons
A dead dome for donkeys, more beds are flown away'
This quatrain predicts the Olympic Games in London, and also the sponsorship deals for Coca Cola, Playstation and Sony - the black, bubbling drink, the station, and the music on the Japanese stereos. But it also predicts that London will pay a heavy price for hosting the Games, and that when they are finished all that will be left will be a few sites that will suffer the same fate as the fraudulent Millenium Dome.
And that the billions wasted on the Games could have transformed Britain's hospitals, but as that won't happen there will be even less beds available in them for patients, so the beds will have 'flown away'.
Hopefully more of Nostradamus's quatrains may be discovered soon, and hopefully by more Spoof writers, or as the great seer himself might have said -
'Nostry had a little quatrain
Its meaning grey as old snow
And everywhere his words doth went
Quack prophecies did go'.