London - (Incestuous Mess): Any day now a rumored Boyle/Weed chimaera is due to burst forth from its toxic amniotic sac, making the recent Goody/Weed nuptials totally irrelevant in retrospect.
That's this week's LA FagHagSlagMag's lead story which reckons Jack Weed, twenty-something widower of reality tv contestant Jade Goody (who she? - Ed) is the father of Susan Boyle's ever-swelling unborn fetus.
Currently gestating under a ten inch thick protective lathering of maternal abdominal (abominable?) lard the cross breed is doubling in size every ten days.
Mum-to-be Susan has also doubled in size.
PR genius Max Clifford is laughing all the way to the Northern Crock.