Minority Leader John Boehner publishes new book, "The Audacity of Nope"

Funny story written by wirehead

Saturday, 25 April 2009

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New book: The Audacity of Nope

John Andrew Boehner is a Republican who is currently serving as the House Minority Leader in the 111th Congress, and a U.S. Representative from Ohio's 8th congressional district. He recently wrote a book called the Audacity of Nope.

The premise of this book is very simple. America is perfect the way it is and the GOP wants to keep it that way. Change rarely benefits Republicans, the affluent or corporations. It is better to leave things well enough alone and not try to reinvent the wheel, even if it is square.

Well known Republicans like Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Phil Gramm and Newt Gingrich are featured prominently in the book. One of the key premises in the book is that Americans are spoiled and really don't deserve anymore of the American pie than they getting from US corporations at this time. If Americans don't like the sweet deal they are getting in the US, they can move to another country.

Boehner indicated he is getting tired of hearing anti-Republican comments from personalities like Alec Baldwin, Heidi Klum and Tina Fey. Boehner indicated these people are abusing their First Amendment rights.

Boehner emphasizes there are simple solutions for America's problems. Does America really need to reform health care. The clearcut answer is 'nope."

What about the tax stimulus. Boehner again indicates the real answer is 'nope." The invisible hand of free enterprise would have resolved the problem after several years. Admittedly that hand was crushed during the financial meltdown and perhaps it would have had to be amputated and replaced with a prosthetic hand. But sooner or later the invisible hand would be back.

Minority Leader Boehner also criticized the regulation atmosphere the Democrats are creating. He pointed out that Republicans have been actively working since the Great Depression to repeal FDR era regulation. "Do we really need the SEC, the FDIC, the FCC, the Federal Reserve Bank, and all of these other FDR era organizations to tell big business what to do," asked Boehner? Again the simple answer is "nope."

He also called Senator Bryon Dorgan a dope for predicting the financial meltdown in 2008 when the Glass-Steagal Act was repealed. That act had created barriers between commercial and investment banking. "Alright, the Democratic dope may have gotten lucky on that prediction,"conceded Boehner.

The House Minority Leader also indicted the Democrats were very wrong headed is changing the tax system to benefit the Middle Class. Boehner noted the tax system was always designed to benefit the most productive members of society, not the lower classes.

"Does the Middle Class need a real tax cut? Not if means that taxes go up for the affluent. That is not American way, quipped Boehner." "That is the socialist way. I say "nope" to Middle Class tax cuts which are a form of socialism," emphasized Boehner.

"Americans should be free to earn as much as they can and pay as little tax as possible. It is not the wealthy's job to pay taxes to build schools, roads, and levees for the less fortunate. It not the fault of the GOP that the top 6 per cent of Americans take in one third of the income or that most of the "donor states" are in the North East. Republicans don't interfere with the invisible hand of free enterprise, no matter how mangled it is," emphasized Boehner.

"By the way my name is pronounced pronounced Bay-ner, not Boner. I don't know why MSNBC cable news keep calling me Boner," said Boehner as the book interview ended.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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