Jenny Takes Back Valerie. Kirstie Goes Off the Deep End.
In a shocking maneuver on Jenny Craig's part, they have taken Valerie Bertinelli back. "There are some repercussions to this event, and Ms. Bertinelli is fully intending to comply," says Ms. Bertinelli's lawyers today. Valerie is ex...
Read full storyTearful Elimination on American Idol
Hollywood, California (IPP) - There was another tearful elimination on American Idol last night.
Read full storyState of Georgia Claims Niagara Falls is Theirs
Atlanta, Georgia (IPP) - The Georgia Attorney General's office has filed a claim in Federal Court claiming that Niagara Falls actually belongs within the State of Georgia.
Read full storyMore People In American Prisons than Out
Washington, D.C. (IPP) - The PEW Center on the States reports that more people are now in American prisons than out of prison.
Read full storyDr. Harry Boogart is a Fraud!
According to Dr. Slique R. N. Snaught, a long time rival and colleague of Dr. Boogart, Dr. Boogart is a fraud. It seems that Dr.Boogart is a "idiotic, glory seeking, stupid as a box of rocks, never going to be anything, nitwit," according t...
Read full storyArtic Svalbard Global Seed Vault Caretaker Found Dead
Longyearbyen, Norway (IPP) - Tragedy struck the Norwegian Island of Spitsbergen today as the body of the caretaker in charge of the Global Seed Vault (GSV) was found in the green house area of the seed storage compound located in the Svalbard Archip...
Read full storyNASA Finds Restaurant on South Pole of Moon
Pasadena, California (IPP) - NASA has discovered a restaurant and resort on the south pole of the Moon.
Read full storyCurtains For Clinton
The promised three faces of Hillary failed to dent Barack Obama's lead after the last debate, and it may be curtains for Clinton's move to rent free residency at the White House. Saying, "Republicans can throw anything they want at me.
Read full storyLocal Marathon Runner Dies during Lap of Honor
Local woman, Tania Fudglowski, has collapsed and died following a celebratory lap of honor after completing a 26-mile marathon in her local town.
Read full storyQueen Tells Charles: "Put Swearing Harry In A Children's Home!"
Her Majesty the Queen has reacted angrily to a TV report about the deployment of her grandson Harry in Afghanistan, in which the lad can be heard using foul and abusive gutter English. She has called...
Read full storyEverton Women Stun Gunners In Cup
There was delight on Merseyside last night when Everton produced a stunning performance to overcome Arsenal in the Women's Premier League Cup, ending the Gunners' 58-game unbeaten streak in t...
Read full storyMrs Jevons at Number 36 has a great pair of tits says local MP
Plymouth - (Tits-a-plenty-Mess): A Plymouth woman has been praised on her exemplary tits by local MP Linda Gilroy. "I wish I had a pair like that" said the labour politician with a majority of over 4000.
Read full storySheffield United And Middlesbrough To Be Prosecuted Under The 'Cruelty To Football Act'
Championship side Sheffield United and their Premier League counterparts Middlesbrough are to be the first two teams to be prosecuted by the Football Association under the controversial 2008 Cruelty To Footba...
Read full storyAxl Rose denies bluegrass claims
Los Angeles,Ca. (Rooters) Singer W. Axl Rose denies claims that the long awaited Guns N' Roses album will be bluegrass.
Read full storyParis Hilton Fesses Up To Sin City Ricin Scare
Las Vegas Metro Police were diverted from their nightly undercover Dunkin' Donuts surveillance operations very late on Thursday evening and dispatched to the Bum's Rush Motel in Las Vegas, Nevada to retrieve a plastic package containing a whi...
Read full storySarkozy wall of silence as top model found in Seine
Paris - (Sacre Bleu Mess): French President Nicholas Sarkozy was keeping schtum today as the news broke that the body of top Parisian model Katoucha Niane was fished out of the River Seine, near the Pont d'Alma bridge of Princess Diana&#...
Read full storyHigh Court delays introduction of new breast milk bar code maternity brassieres
London - (Lactating Mess): Maternity bra manufacturers have won a critical High Court ruling to delay the introduction of compulsory breast milk grading bar codes on all neonatal mammary support garments.
Read full storyIt Has Been Proven - Not Everyone Can Pick Their Friend's Nose
Recent scientific studies have shown, that it is impossible for some people to pick a friend's nose. It appears that the size of ones nostrils is in proportion with ones fingers. Scientists have spent many years studying this mystifying event.
Read full storyBananas - Fruit or Foe?
Have you ever picked up a banana and considered the possibility that it might be evil? not unless you are below ten!...
Read full storyHeidi Klum On Crash Twinkie Diet
Las Vegas -- Heidi Klum today has traded her normal diet of greens for yellow, cream-filled Twinkies.
Read full storyJK Rowling and the Intoxication of Hubris
New York - (Reuterus): Perrenial fantasy story rip-off artiste JK Rowling has filed a law suit alleging a forthcoming encylopaedia 'Ten Thousand Whopping Great Big Fibs About Harry Potter' contravenes her global status as the world&...
Read full story'Dr. Death' Reincarnated in Sin City
Las Vegas, Nevada -- Jack "Dr. Death" Kervorkian has done his bad deeds and paid his debt to society. But for some Las Vegas, Nevada doctors and health care providers it's just business as usual- 'playing' with death is a long-...
Read full storyRambo Rescues Prince Harry
Vietnam veteran John Rambo was the toast of the British public today when he flew into Afghanistan to single-handedly rescue would-be soldier, and son of the late, great Princess Diana of Wales, Prince Harry.
Read full storyPeter Egan attacked by Ostrich
One of the United Kingdom's finest character actors was shocked yesterday after having been viciously savaged by a large ostrich and left with a singed ear.
Read full storyPrince Harry withdrawn from Agincourt, reassigned to Battle of Hastings
Harry, the 23-year-old royal claimant to the disputed Throne of England, is being withdrawn from the dust-up at Agincourt and redeployed to the frontlines at Hastings amid public concerns for his safety.
Read full storyWomen are Stupid
A renagade scientist claimed that all women are less intelligent than retarded dogs. When quizzed about the remarks he seemed shocked that a woman reporter even looked him in the eye, slapped her and told her to "go home, bitch".
Read full storyRodham Hussein enters presidential race
Only a week after Ralph Nader entered the presidential race (for who knows what reason), another candidate, Rodham Hussein, has announced intentions to run for President.
Read full storyHYPCRITES: Your Conservative Christian Watch Dog
HYPCRITES (Helping Your Prayers to Christ Receive Infinite Treasures Extended by our Saviour): Your conservative Christian Watch Dog has been havin his eyes and snout on the goins' on in Del-a-ware.
Read full storyBetter One Village Die for a Runway
High Priest Caiaphus Smithsonson, Mayor of Sipson, England has decided to sell the village to the neighboring Heathrow Airport to allow for a new giant runway. Mayor C. Smithsonson explained that it was better for one village to give its life for an...
Read full storyAfg-Harry-stan, Prince of Princes
Britain's news sources normally so rapacious they would run a Princess into a wall have managed to button their lips over the adventures of Afghan War- rior ,Prince Harry of the Royal Air Controllers Brigade.
Read full storyNew York Philharmonic brokers Korean peace accord
SEOUL, South Korea -- The New York Philharmonic brokered a musical end to the Korean War on Thursday, reprising its emotional performance of the Korean folk tune "Arirang" in the South Korean capital after its unprecedented concert in Pyong...
Read full storyOne Point Six Million Americans Can't Be Wrong!
The US prison population has hit a shocking 1.6 million inmates! That is 1 out of every 100 US citizens now live behind bars,never mind what happens to their behinds there behind bars. Sociologists have been studying the phenomenon for years now and...
Read full storyBarbershop
I went for a haircut yesterday and walked into the Mohel's shop by accident. It wasn't my fault, those two bastards have the same type sign out front, a pole with dressing on it. A pole's a pole, right? So I went in and sat down and before I knew it, the barber (actually the Mohel) was taking down my pants and reaching for them. I thought, well maybe this is a gay barber shop and this...
Read full storyReport: Cops filmed before a live studio audience
The hit television show Cops, considered by many as the first reality TV show in the U.S., has finally revealed that it is filmed in front of a live studio audience. The show gives the appearance of reality as cameras follow police officers in variou...
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