Friday, 29 February 2008

image for Artic Svalbard Global Seed Vault Caretaker Found Dead
Feed me Seymour!

Longyearbyen, Norway (IPP) - Tragedy struck the Norwegian Island of Spitsbergen today as the body of the caretaker in charge of the Global Seed Vault (GSV) was found in the green house area of the seed storage compound located in the Svalbard Archipelago.

The GSV project had made world headlines this week when it was announced to the world that a giant seed vault had been constructed near the town of Longyearbuyen. This town is located only 1,200 KM from the North Pole. Local residents had felt jubilant over the the focus of the world's attention on their frigid little town of 2,075.

Local authorities held a press conference and announced that the body of the GSV caretaker was found after a two hour search conducted by over 100 volunteers. The Man's name is Timothy Nugent and he was found strangled to death by a large Venus Fly Trap Vine. Only his feet were visible sticking out of a massive coil of leaves and vines.

Dr. Kennth Morin, who is a scientist working at the facility, told reporters that global warming had induced out of control growth in the Venus Fly Trap vine which has a voracious appetite for meat. The plant has large clam shaped pods made out of plant material which close tightly around its victim. The plant then digests the meaty victim while the struggling victim is still alive.

School children love the smaller and more docile version of the Venus Fly Trap. They put flies and other insects near the plant's pods and watch the plant capture the bugs and then "eat them".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Plants

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