Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 29 February 2008

image for Everton Women Stun Gunners In Cup
Everton boss Granny Moyes before the game

There was delight on Merseyside last night when Everton produced a stunning performance to overcome Arsenal in the Women's Premier League Cup, ending the Gunners' 58-game unbeaten streak in the process. The game itself was crap though.

Fans of women's football will know that matches are usually extremely dour affairs, and those present at this game weren't disappointed in that respect. Many supporters, however, diverted their attentions away from the poor standards by focussing on other things.

One of the things they diverted their attentions to, was the plentiful supply of bouncing titties on display. Several of the women had enormous oomlaaters, most notably the Arsenal right-winger, who smashed herself in the face every time she went on a run.

The Everton centre-half was cautioned midway through the second period for grabbing the left tit of a woman who played for Arsenal, with another Gunner woman receiving a straight red card for attempting to drag the Everton centre forward back by her vaginal hair, which was protruding from her shorts.

Everton fan Ed Bonce, 42, from Birkenhead, said:

"I don't know any of their names. I just come to watch their tits bounce."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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