Peter Egan attacked by Ostrich

Funny story written by Sir Barrington Ganch

Friday, 29 February 2008

image for Peter Egan attacked by Ostrich
Wot you lookin' at, Egan?

One of the United Kingdom's finest character actors was shocked yesterday after having been viciously savaged by a large ostrich and left with a singed ear.

Egan, 61, was signing his most recent autobiography 'Here I go Egan' at Waterstones Bookstore in Todmorden, West Yorkshire when the surprise attack occured. The bird is one of the largest ever found in the British Isles weighing a massive twelve stones (168 pounds).

Store manager Brian Galvin said, "I've never seen the like. I tell thee."

The huge Struthio camelus (latin for ostrich) was seen minding it's own business in the self-help section of the store before it spied the star of Ever Decreasing Circles and darted towards him, knocking off his half-moon glasses and pecking him in the head.

A keen Egan fan reacted quickly and scared the bird away by spraying an aerosol onto a zippo lighter. "The ostrich backed right off," explained superfan Milo Henge, "but unfortunately I set fire to Peter a bit."

The star was treated for minor light ear burn but still found time to share a joke with the seventeen people in the queue. "It's not the first time I've been hit by a fat bird!", he quipped.

The Ostrich was removed from the store by detectives and taken to a local Toby carvery for punishment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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