Jenny Takes Back Valerie. Kirstie Goes Off the Deep End.

Funny story written by Tiki Murphy

Friday, 29 February 2008

image for Jenny Takes Back Valerie. Kirstie Goes Off the Deep End.
Kirstie Alley, "Finally real food. Come here, baby. Come to momma."

In a shocking maneuver on Jenny Craig's part, they have taken Valerie Bertinelli back. "There are some repercussions to this event, and Ms. Bertinelli is fully intending to comply," says Ms. Bertinelli's lawyers today. Valerie is exclusive to Jenny and she is not allowed to have any 'weight management' foods/ drinks without Jenny's approval. "It's worth it to be back with Jenny. Jenny will steer me in the right direction," Valerie says.

Meanwhile, angry and hurt, Kirstie Alley has left Jenny. "I don't need Jenny. I can do this without her," Ms. Alley has been heard saying. However, her former friends and co-workers at Jenny's are concerned for her well being. "She can't do this without Jenny, she knows that. Just right now she is angry and hurt, who wouldn't be?" an insider told reporters.

Paparazzi have snapped photos of the distraught Kirstie talking to a nutritionist, and a personal trainer. "We saw her walking into one of those doctor places that specialize in nutrition. Then we followed her to Bali health club where she signed up and was talking to some personal trainer," states one of the stalkers, uh, photographers.

Kirsties mental health is sparking a major debate in the psychiatric world. It is apparent that they are split on if this is good for Ms. Alley or not. Some experts say that this is a wonderful step for Ms. Alley. Dr. Noahl says, "This will give Kirstie a sense of freedom and control. It will allow her to step away from the strict grip of Jenny, and move on with her life. If she makes this work she will be a testiment to the human spirit."

On the opposing end of this, Dr. Franc says,"This is very bad for Ms. Alley. She is going against a weight loss giant. Everyone will eventually bow down to their greatness, and will see that Jenny knows best. Whatever self-esteem Ms. Alley has garnered will be crushed under the weight of her failure."

Funnily enough, Dr. Franc was traq'd and removed from the conference.

Can Kirstie do it? Will she finally say, "Fudge you" to Jenny for good? Will this final humiliation bring about the Rebecca Howe we knew and loved once more? I think so. I think it will happen. Kirstie Alley will be the woman the rest of hates once more. Good luck Kirstie, you can do it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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