Camden blaze spreads to Brighton
Brighton Pier, E Sussex - (Blazing Mess): Last week's arson attack on Camden Lock's myriad crack-dealing mini-empires has suddenly spread to the Ten Grand Hotel in Brighton.
Read full story'Writer' Jacob Baker Writes A Very Inferior Story
TheSpoof.com writer Jacob Baker today launched a personal attack on a fellow writer via a story published on the TheSpoof.com website. The much maligned (look it up, Jacob) writer in question was today said to be not so much bothered by the diatribe...
Read full storyKrill Demand Celebrity Status From Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay
Tiny shrimpy prawny creatures Krill are demanding a greater profile in celebrity restaurant circles. The minute marine crustaceans are considered a keystone food for a variety of big ocean fish such as whales, manta rays, sharks, sea...
Read full storyUSDA has Beef with Treatment of Cows
The U.S. Department of Agriculture has recalled 143 million pounds of beef from a California slaughterhouse, citing concerns that the company may be mistreating the cows on its payroll.
Read full storyNew Flavoured Tampons Leave Bad Taste In Feminist's Mouths
First there were scented tampons, and god knows they were absurd enough (what kind of pervert wants to sniff tampons?!), but now a tampon manufacturer has taken things one step further and provoked outrage with a new range of flavoured
Read full storyDid Zac Efron Really have an Appendectomy?
As you all know, Zac Efron had his appendix taken out, or did he? Sources say that his appendectomy was actually the birth of his daughter, Allison Marie Efron.
Read full storySmoking Seriously Harms Your Health
It has been known for some time that smoking seriously harms your health. Therefore new government guidance is to be issued advocating smoking as unseriously as possible.
Read full storyBrianna Denison steals chicken pot pie
When a Chicago woman arrived at her home on Feb. 2, she was surprised to find her neighbor, Brianna Denison, leaving with a box of macaroni and cheese, chicken pot pie and a Popsicle from her kitchen.
Read full storySearch continues for Beijing Paralympics autistic director
Beijing - (Decathlon Mess): Chinese sports authorities are...
Read full storyRoger Federer is my grandson says Pope
Basel, Switzerland - (Grand Slam Mess): Pope Joseph Ratzinger has told a Vatican crowd that Roger Federrer is his grandson after ex-grand slam champ Boris Becker proved DNA positive to be the Pontif's own firstborn and the subsequent father of th...
Read full storyElephant Pregnant: Zookeepers to Blame
Getting an Elephant in the family way is hard enough, but a nine-year-old Asian elephant has found herself in that position and has sparked off major rows in the zoological world. Many accusing the Australian Zoo of underage sex!...
Read full storyJade Goody to join with Bill Oddie
Jade 'Is there a camera around. I don't get up without the papers knowing about it' Goody is to be teamed up with the nations favourite Twitcher Bill Oddie for a one off edition of comedy show 'The Goodies'...
Read full storyJazz Man Bill 'Swinging' Gates Mourned
Legendary drummer Bill 'Swinging' Gates has died from complications of 5/4 time.
Read full storyNew BBC Channels coming to a TV Screen near you soon
BBC 5 - Niche market for Agrophobics bored of their wall-paper...
Read full storySocially Sanctioned Stalker's day changed to February 14th
A new government initiative was launched with much fan-fare. In a world torn apart by rising unemployment, a faltering education system, and National Health Service, Ministers decided to launch a day for Stalkers.
Read full storyDaughter branded a lurid Mossad trollop as Fayed inquest testimony bombs
London - (DUI Mess): Camilla Fayed, the 23 year-old daughter of Harabs' grocer and vexatious litigant Mohammed Fayed, has been branded a lurid Mossad trollop just as her father's Diana inquest testimony bellyflopped in the Royal Cour...
Read full storyNew Mars Rover is in the Cards
Extraterrestrial rovers Spirit and Opportunity have been roaming Mars for the last four years. To improve on this sort of record is not that easy, but NASA is working on it. A new Rover is in works, that can beat those old models hands down.
Read full storyAnimal Products are not a great hit
Workers in a Swedish laboratory have decided that a new range of Animal Products probably won't be that successful.
Read full storyMadonna Replaces Spielberg as Beijing Olympics Artistic Director
Pop superstar Madonna is to take the place left vacant by Hollywood legend Steven Spielberg as artistic director for the Beijing Olympics. Madonna, who this week unveiled her directorial debut "...
Read full storyTree Strike Fells Logger Efforts
Northwester Tree Coalition stumps local logger teams efforts to operate in a safe manner with an all-out running protest. According to a federal forestry official the problems have just begun to take a toll on the lumber industry. Troy Serf says if t...
Read full storyButter Trial Continues
The international trial of Butter continues in the Netherlands. The Hague Commission repeatedly insist that Butter is guilty of killing millions knowingly by seeming so good while being so bad. The Criminal Tribunal has stated that Butter should be d...
Read full storyLost Tooth Brings Millions
Last month archaeologist Cage Lotharios was barely making it as a poor as dirt graduate student of Stanford University working in the field. This month he is looking into buying a Lexus and a house in Hollywood Hills.
Read full storyDivorce hearing adjourned as judge orders Heather Mills psychiatric tests
London - (Delusional Mess): The judge presiding over the McCartney/Mills divorce hearing has halted proceedings and ordered a full psychiatric evaluation of Heather Mills after she claimed a £10 million pay off would be demeaning.
Read full storySmoking Licence: government to make ash of themselves!
The Latest government proposal is to get smokers to hold a 'Licence to Smoke' Permit. Only £10 per year! No one would be able to buy cigarettes without the permit, under the idea proposed by Health England.
Read full storyRoger Federer buys GQ Magazine
Roger Federer, the world number one tennis player, has bought the men's fashion and lifestyle magazine GQ. In a statement today he announced why he had made this surprise move:...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Bombs the 'Real Terrorists': The Crooks on Wall Street!
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President George Bush is now bombing the real terrorists of the world: the Wall Street crooks in New York City!...
Read full storyServient Tenement
When W W I, 1914-1918, began, Woodrow Wilson, 28th US president, was quoted to have said, "… a war with which we had nothing to do… (He warned Americans to) be impartial in thought as well as action." However, Los Angeles Examiner, April 3. 1917, headline goes: 'War! Says Wilson; Big Army Wanted'. Some have condemned the United States' entrance into World War I, in 1918, as an 'unwise departure fr...
Read full storyRupublicans and Gays commiting genocide on the public
The U.S. Senate intelligently voted Wednesday against moving on a proposed constitutional amendment that would define marriage as a union between one man and one woman.
Read full storyWoman rejects marriage proposals
A woman in Serbia turned down more than 150 marriage proposals because she has not met the right man.
Read full storySuperman rejects Ashley Tisdale for marriage
According to a report, Ashley Tisdale made an attempt to propose marriage to Superman during a Football game against the Denver Broncos. Ashley made her way up the stairwell stumbling twice before she made it to the stand Superman was sitting on.
Read full storyGuilderland, NY repeals First Amendment
In a stunning upset to Ron Paul supporters, the humorless town of Guilderland, NY announced today that it has abandoned the 1st Amendment to the Constitution in favor of their own "more socially acceptable and child-friendly" amendment. Th...
Read full storyAngry Writers Are Back After Strike, Pissed Off And Spitting Up Black Phlegm
Well, folks, the Writers' Strike is finally over and we can get back to viewing new episodes of our favorite sitcoms, possible new movies, and other drivel.
Read full storyChancellor to bail out First Sharia Banking Corp of London
Canary Wharf - (AssoCIAted Mess): The treasury is in panic lockdown mode this weekend following the news that the First Sharia Banking Corporation of London has gone bust and is likely to need a whopping great big £50 billion hand-out just l...
Read full storyNaked Jordan Devastated After Surgery Leaves Her Looking Normal
Glamour model Jordan aka Katie Price has today slammed plastic surgery after hers went horrifically wrong. Jordan is in hiding today after revealing that her latest boob job has left her with average sized boobs, which are neither pe...
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