Guilderland, NY repeals First Amendment

Funny story written by NickFun

Sunday, 17 February 2008

image for Guilderland, NY repeals First Amendment
The people of Guilderland find this document antiquated

In a stunning upset to Ron Paul supporters, the humorless town of Guilderland, NY announced today that it has abandoned the 1st Amendment to the Constitution in favor of their own "more socially acceptable and child-friendly" amendment. The Amendment formerly read:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

The new Amendment will read:

"Be a good Christian, keep your mouth shut and don't make waves."

"We tried to keep the language simple" said the town's development director Democrat Donald Csaposs (pro: Zap-Us) "We are hoping this will serve as a model for other communities throughout the United States and will serve as an inspiration to Congress to change the wording of that silly document".

The issue came up after Csapposs read stories on written by town Councilman Warren Redlich praising Ron Paul and subtly proposing he would like to kiss Jamie Lynn Spears, the pregnant 16-year-old former star of TV's teen comedy Zoey 101. It would appear Csaposs failed to see any of's 277 warnings telling readers that the materials they are reading are entirely fictitious.

"We can't have council members writing funny things on funny web sites", Csaposs declared. "I don't care about the Jamie Lynn stuff so much as he's trying to encourage children to become Libertarians like Ron Paul! This kind of foolish free speech must end!"

"I write spoofs for a spoof publication", Redlich declared. "I kinda like the First Amendment just like it is."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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