Butter Trial Continues

Funny story written by Kea Toff

Sunday, 17 February 2008

image for Butter Trial Continues
Peanut Butter, cousin of the defendant, refused to comment

The international trial of Butter continues in the Netherlands. The Hague Commission repeatedly insist that Butter is guilty of killing millions knowingly by seeming so good while being so bad. The Criminal Tribunal has stated that Butter should be drawn for crimes against mankind.

Butter has consistently declared innocence, once earlier this month blubbering "It's not me, it's Parkay." Butter's attorney has called a parade of of material witnesses into the courtroom to testify on Butters behalf. A parade of bagels, pretzels, scones and other bread products has marched through the courtroom to defend Butter.

Parkay's spokesperson said they are staying with their original statement "It's Butter." Last month when Parkay was called to testify, the "talking tub" had laryngitis according to close friend Al Franken. Observers expect Parkay to be called again, many saying "I can't believe it's not butter" and hoping to somehow find justice in the last courtroom on earth to decide innocence or guilt for international crimes.

Those close to the situation reveal on conditions of anonymity it probably was Parkay who has been known to impersonate Butter. Two years ago, In late 2006, Butter attempted to sue Parkay for identity theft. Attorneys for Parkay managed to avoid a courtroom scenario in which they had declared Butter hoped to use to churn Parkay for a excessively rich settlement. TV ads succeeded in derailing the court action by appealing to the zoftig benignancy of the general public.

Court watchers say this is a slippery case where somebody is going to get burned sooner or later. Pundits say if anybody does get burned it's more likely to be Butter. Those close to the trial who have seen the material witnesses disappear in the court lunchroom know Butter may never see it's end. Others knowledgeable of the intricacies say the whole affair has the sheen of oleaginousness.

So whether it's Butter or Parkay, the lengthy courtroom case is certainly making a lot of attorneys fat and this whole case has a greasiness about it that may go on as long as the corpulent corporations feed the masses.

Next week the trial will continue looking for the truth. Last month it was potatoes that were baked in court. This time it is popcorn that will take the stand.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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