Well, folks, the Writers' Strike is finally over and we can get back to viewing new episodes of our favorite sitcoms, possible new movies, and other drivel.
It took 100 days for the "intelligentsia" of Los Angeles and New York City, the Writers Guild of America, West and the Writers Guild of America, East to reach agreement on a new contract with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, the "big machers" of entertainment! You know, the high-monied boys and girls...
However, returning writers are having serious medical problems regarding their breathing, while spitting up a black storm! Lung X-Rays are showing similarities to coal miners' black lung disease. So, now, the Guilds want to ream the Producers, blaming the latter group for their problems caused by the searing smog in Tinseltown and the diesel fume crap in The Big Apple, as they walked the picket lines.
Said buxom, religion-program writer, Cindy "Big T" Bazongas, 33, of Santa Monica, California with a cigarette stuck to her lower lip as she yapped away, "Yeah, I sure had one set of lungs before this here strike began and now I can hardly suck on a joint. All I can say is WWJD! Ya hear me producers! The producers should be shot!" Commenting on her remark, producer Marty "Scotch" Rubin of "Laugh With Me Jesus and Moses" sitcom fame, responded with a typical Rubinism, "Bullshit! From what I saw, she still has a darn nice set of lungs. What's the fuss?"
It was no different on Manhattan's upper West Side where forensics program writer Izzy A. Ganuf claimed, "Sure! We had to walk a 100 days in cold and wet and snow and slush, then, mind, you, we end up getting a contract forced on us by those Guild stinkers. I think they're all in cahoots with them there producers. And, now, I'm coughin' all the freakin' time! Wanna see some black spit?"
So now, a billion-dollar class-action suit has been filed, under the title, "Writers vs Scumbags."
But, nowhere was there more happiness than at the White House where President Bush was unusually positive. As he worked on some "chaw," he declared, "You know, this country is great. We disagree, we strike, we negotiate and, now, after eight o'clock I can again couch potata myself on my sofa and channel surf, baby! Hey, it beats chewin' the fat with Laura or her bothering me to satisfy her cowgirl hots to get laid. Lovin' is for later, and, after the game, if one's on! She just won't get with the program like that damned Congress!
"Now, don't get me wrong. I am a good guy, but I, also, gotta see what those late night bozos are sayin' about old Georgie. Hey, I've got to know the "slams" goin' down on me. You know, it's not easy being President! Hey, it's now 8:10, fellas and gals and I'm missin' some cartoons, already!"
Unfortunately, this strike has caused a 15 percent drop in viewership, which will amount to hundreds of millions of dollars of lost revenues. The producers, however, are very optimistic with the launch of several new programs across the 3 major networks, cable, dish, and the Internet. Said, Christine Schwanzstuker, NBD's Programming Manager, "The networks have some fantastic new shows about to hit your TV screens, such as "The Gravediggers' Party," "Up Yours!," "Transvestite Dad," "Pull My Finger," "Cop Prostitute," and "Bloomer's Boomers." I'm really excited!"
We will just have to wait and see.
