Chinese Government propose revolutionary marking system for Olympic Javelin
Concerned over potential inaccuracies in the location of landed javelins in the forthcoming Olympic Games in Beijing, the Chinese authorities have unveiled a new method for precisely marking the spot where they have landed. Employing a unique 'or...
Read full storyMugabe To Advise Clinton!
In a surprise move the Clinton Camp is reportedly looking to enlist the help of Robert Mugabe to secure the desired result in the critical Pennsylvania Primary.
Read full storyDerren Brown admits he is a turd burglar
Top TV illusionist Derren Brown, 37, has stunned his many fans by revealing his secret fetish - stealing dog turds from the back gardens of his wealthy friends.
Read full storyChocolate bars reach critical mass
The humble branded sweet and chocolate bar, available from your local shop, thanks to a combination of monetary inflation and pure greed on the part of the manufacturer, has now reached critical mass to the extent that they are being sold as empty ba...
Read full storyPeter Gabriel Seen Imitating a Sledgehammer Whilst Trying to Shock Monkeys
People were evacuated from Edinburgh zoo today as a man wearing a Timothy Mallet style 'Wack-A-Day' foam mallet costume, proceeded to run through the zoo, screaming about wanting to be a Honey Bee and an Aeroplane. Zoo wardens chased the foam...
Read full storyMadame Tussauds Refuse Gordon Brown
Madame Tussauds have refused to commission a waxwork of Gordon Brown at "this moment in time".
Read full storyMP-only sale at John Lewis Partnership shops
John Lewis Partnership department stores nationwide are throwing open their doors on Sunday 27th April in a special "Expenses Day" sale exclusively for MPs.
Read full storyMime Aid 2008
Following a gesture made by Sir Bob Geldolf as his reaction to Alistair Darling's excuse for a budget - his perfunctory two fingers - the legendary fund raiser and former front-man of the Roomtown Bats has consequently devised a special, one-off...
Read full storyNew Stealth Tax Aimed at Drivers
Following on from the new rules for the parking of cars and the charges councils can now apply in fines, a new nationwide initiative was announced today to help leverage even more stealth tax from the hard-pressed motorist to help ensure Labour are c...
Read full storyGrand National News
It's 11.45pm on Tuesday, a couple of weeks after the Grand National, and I have heard that the horse I picked has just this minute crossed the finishing line.
Read full storyWhat a silly Lunt
The village of Lunt in Merseyside has been asked to consider changing its name because vandals keep defacing road signs in what is being termed "involuntary name-adjustment syndrome".
Read full storyMiley Cyrus takes over from Vanessa Hudgens as poster-child for corruption
Hollywood, Ca - (Cheeky Ass Mess): Vanessa Hudgens' reign as a poster-child for corruption is finally over and a new Queen Slut has taken over the throne.
Read full storyChris de Burgh To Convert Muslims
Middle aged ladies' favourite Chris de Burgh is to visit Iran in an attempt to convert the Muslim population to Christianity through the power of his music.
Read full storyAliens: Stephen Hawking probably exists, is dumber than people think
Cosmos - (Rioters): Extra-terrestrial entities are said to be amused by reports among their tin foil hat bretheren that Stephen Hawking probably exists "but is a whole lot dumber than anybody could ever imagine."...
Read full storyCrazed Rabbi Circumcizes David
Tourists looked on in horror as a mad-crazed Rabbi performed a bris - a circumcision upon Michelangelo's masterpiece, David, yesterday in Florence, Italy.
Read full storyGodfather-style whorse's head left for Equus star Daniel Radcliffe
London - (Whorsewhisperer Mess): Equus star Daniel Radcliffe is still feeling badly shaken after waking up to find himself snuggled up in bed next to a whorse's head.
Read full storyNazi fined by local council for killing 6 million jews
The leader of the National Socialist Party of Germany has been fined and now faces the possibility of a criminal record - for killing 6 million jews in concentration camps.
Read full storyMcCain's soft-sell leaves female voters cold
WASHINGTON--Sen. John McCain, in an effort to woo women voters, watched "The Holiday," at a D.C. area Cineplex, following up with a town hall style meeting to "share feelings" about the movie.
Read full storyHundreds of little Bushes at Yearn For Zion temple genetic testers say
Eldorado, Texas - (Reuterus & Fundamental Ass Mess): Forget the obvious suspects! 95% of the Yearn For Zion fundamentalist nutter cult children have tested DNA positive as progeny of nearby Predator Chapel Ranch chatelain George W B...
Read full storyChildren Of Rich People Are Stupid B*stards
Its official: the children of wealthy folk are incredibly stupid and ignorant. So say statisticians at Cambridge University, England who have concluded a five-year study into the intelligence of the spawn of rich bastards
Read full storyThe 2008 Conference for Big Fat Bastards opens in Bradford
Yesterday John Prescott the President of the Big Fat Bastards Society opened the 2008 Conference which is being held at Harry Ramsden's Famous Chippy Emporium in Bradford.
Read full storySpirograph kit developed for Elephants
Scientists in Oklahoma have developed the world's biggest set of Spirographs for use by Elephants. The toy, which measures metres in length, and consists of a number of comedy oversized pens suspended in air for the peace loving animals to push a...
Read full storyUnder 5's call for the world to adopt TellyTubby time
Some well know very young children have called for the adoption of TellyTubby time to replace GMT arguing that "Noo-Noo" city is the true centre of the Earth.
Read full storyObama Fingers Hillary
(BLOGBAMA) - Did you see it? Did you see Obama give Hillary the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate? I saw it (it's all over YouTube if you haven't seen it yet).
Read full storySnooker Confusion As Player Scores 148 Break
Confusion reigned at the Snooker World Championships at the Crucible in Sheffield today, when Steve Tench, the Canadian, scored an unbelievable maximum+1 break of 148 in his enthralling first round match against Albert Fowlshotski of Poland. It wa...
Read full storyBush Senior 'catches massive tampon'
Florida - (Fishy Mess): In an old piscine trick learned from Dickless Cheney former US President George Herbert Bush caught what anglers have described as 'a massive tampon' this weekend while fishing off the Florida Keys near Islamophobia, F...
Read full storyHarry Potter star finds his Prince Charming
Hogwarts - (Ass Mess): Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe is scouring Australia's gay bars, clubs and discos after spotting a tumescent mystery hunk ogling him at an Adelaide awards ceremony recently.
Read full storyWinehouse husband suspected behind grassing up of top 1980s bent cop
Wormwood Scrubs - (Rotters): Amy Winehouse's husband is the prime suspect behind the grassing up of a top bent detective.
Read full storyJeremy Kyle, proudly sponsored by...?
A Spokesperson for Stella Artois today unveiled the three year sponsorship deal with ITV's The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Read full storyNothing gay about European football says ex-Juventus chief
Rome - (Balls-Up Mess): "It's a real man's game," ex-Juventus MD Luciano Moggi said today, "not like golf where rampant homosexuality is thrust at you, like it or not.
Read full storyCartoon Cat Criticises Austrian Economist
A firestorm of public controversy has erupted in the wake of shocking new revelations regarding the political and economic opinions of beloved '60s television star Mr. Jinks, the cartoon cat loved 'round the world for his madcap pursuit of cl...
Read full storyBare Faced Lie
One of the world's best known bears, Yogi has been accused of lying, following an IQ test.
Read full storyBush Admits to Filling His Pants on 911.
'Okay, okay I pooped them,' President George Bush admitted at today's press conference. This response came after a flurry of questions about his gormless look, while he continued to read 'My Pet Goat' with them school kids, after his secret service agent told him about the attacks. 'When he said, Mr President, we need to go - I suddenly realised how much I needed to g...
Read full storyReformation Movement Splits Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster
MOOSE JAW, SK-In a turn of events deemed inevitable by many outside observers, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, also known as the Pastafarians, has split over numerous items of contention concerning its doctrine of a beer volcano in heaven...
Read full storyScientists Decode Republican "Brain Farts"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Scientists have discovered that well before George Bush and John McCain say something stupid, their brains start acting abnormally.
Read full storySteve Davis Calls It Quits
Steve Davis, the interesting six-time winner of Snooker's World Championships, has finally decided to hang up his cue and call it quits after his humiliating first round 10-8 defeat at the hands of Stuart...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Underwear Photo's Fakes
Hannah Montana's squeaky clean image is intact according to her father and country music legend Billy Ray. "Those photo's are not my little girl" and "They have been photo shopped by some sicko" he is reported as telling c...
Read full storyCaptive royals 'may save species'
Many royals held in captivity have "pure-bred ancestry" and could play a key role in the survival of their diminishing population, a study suggests.
Read full storyNew Rules for Psychics
London, Apr. 19, 2008: The Brown government has set in motion regulations to bring various seers, soothsayers, prophets, clairvoyants, necromancers, mediums, mystics, readers, fortune tellers, and sundry types of "spiritual workers" under t...
Read full storyHillary Clinton - Questions and Answers with Presidential Candidates
Every week, we will interview presidential candidates and offer insight into their campaign and their beliefs.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Flips Off Nick Jonas
Miley Cyrus was shopping with her back-up dancer/bff Mandy when they saw Nick and Joe Jonas.
Read full storyLily Allen doesn't Bitch about Anyone for a Long Time!
Insiders in showbiz have expressed fresh concerns about super cool music sensation Lily Allen after they calculated that she has not made a fresh attack on any celebrity since the start of 2008.
Read full storyDVD Critic's Corner: Shoot 'Em Up
Recently a friend pulled me aside and said I should watch more movies featuring Clive Owen.
Read full storyTeen Starlet Miley Cyrus responds to photo scandal
LOS ANGELES, CA - Everyone knows Miley Cyrus. Your little sister, brother, maybe even your mother knows Miley, or at least her famous dad, Billy Ray. But what you may not know is Miley's dirty little secret that is floating around the net.
Read full storyBeauty Queen Breaks Nail - Gets Bombed
2008 Miss East Coast winner, Kirsten Hagland, broke a nail yesterday while in the airport. So, she called her friend, who asked to remain anonymous, and started yelling about how she broke her nail.
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