The 2008 Conference for Big Fat Bastards opens in Bradford

Funny story written by Gordon Bennet

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

image for The 2008 Conference for Big Fat Bastards opens in Bradford
John Prescott, President of the Big Fat Bastards Society

Yesterday John Prescott the President of the Big Fat Bastards Society opened the 2008 Conference which is being held at Harry Ramsden's Famous Chippy Emporium in Bradford.

John selected Ramsden's Chippy locally known as Harry's Plaice because it serves up the epitome of Big Fat Bastard Food, Fish, Chips and Mushy Peas.

Harry Ramsden's Chipy near Bradford is recognized as the most famous Chip Shop in the Country as people travel huge distances just to stuff themselves full of lard.

It is rumored in Yorkshire that Harry's Plaice was so popular back in the 1970's that the M62 Motorway was built just to skirt the south of Bradford with links to both the M1 and the M62 Motorways.

This popularity expanded in the 1980's when the Leeds/Bradford Airport was built just to cater for people traveling to Harry's Plaice from all over the World.

John Prescott who lives just a "Cod Piece" distance from the Harry's Plaice has eaten at the Restaurant every weekend since he was three years old.

His Mum used to say "John boy, there's now't like Harry's Plaice for a good stuffin."

The first Spokesperson was James Corden, one of the writers of Gavin and Stacy, the award winning TV programme, which has just won two BAFTAS, including one for Corden for being voted the funniest Big Fat Bastard on the Telly.

James said "me and my Big Fat Bastard co-writer Ruth Jones both agree that Roy "Chubby" Brown the Big Fat Bastard is the funniest stand-up comedian ever to tread the boards."

From the World of Sport the next speaker Ian Woosnam who is nearly as tall lying down as he is standing up said "my bad back has sod all to do with me being three stone overweight, as I have always enjoyed a bloody huge curry washed down by eight or nine pints of lager every night.

The Medical Spokesperson for the Society Dr. Wei Tu Much gave an illustrated talk on the BFBI (Big Fat Bastard Index) stating that to qualify for membership one required an BFBI of three.

The formulae being: take your weight in pounds and divide it by your height in inches. If the result is more that three you qualify for membership of the Big Fat Bastard Society.

The Society welcomed from the United States, Professor Iam Obese, the Author of Fat is Best, who said "that he was delighted to be present and that 98% of Americans qualified for membership of the Big Fat Bastard Society."

The Conference continues today.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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