MP-only sale at John Lewis Partnership shops

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

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Newest John Lewis partnership shop opens soon

John Lewis Partnership department stores nationwide are throwing open their doors on Sunday 27th April in a special "Expenses Day" sale exclusively for MPs.

Being held on a Sunday so as not to either disrupt either the weekday sleeping patterns of MPs or prevent them from claiming any due Westminster attendance allowances, the stores will be offering all manner of useless and over-priced tat to assist MPs with reaching their £23,000 'John Lewis List' limit as easily as possible.

A spokesman for the store said:

"We felt it our duty to assist MPs with easily spending tax payers' money as inefficiently as Tory MP Derek Conway, who recently paid his sons £40,000 to do nothing. Except in this case, it's a significantly lower sum they have to waste, and we are delighted to have been nominated as their official store.

"We have even installed special e-bay sections in our Cheadle, Sloane Square, Brent Cross, Southsea, and Milton Keynes branches where we will advise MPs as to the most popular range of goods for immediate re-selling on the popular auction site, to enable them to quickly and efficiently convert their allowance into cash.

"However, for those wishing to purchase goods for their own use, there is either the fast-track method where they can quickly utilise their allowance by purchasing completely over-priced and totally useless items, or we can appoint a special "Allowance Adviser" who will help them choose vastly over-expensive kitchens, hi-fi units, computer systems, carpet tiles or even canteens of cutlery."

A Spokesman for the House of Commons, private secretary Con Stituents, said:

"We are delighted that John Lewis have entered into the spirit of things by making it as easy as possible for MPs to waste public money. Up to now they have had to rely on outsourcing firms like EDS and Capita, as well as £1000-a-day consultants and even Sir John Borne of the National Audit Office to ensure a total misuse of tax-payers money, but this initiative puts wastage on an even footing for all.

"I will be personally recommending the Honourable Members to buy Smeg appliances, Bose entertainment systems and 52" HD-ready televisions, to mention but a few brands, in order they are able to waste their expenses as efficiently as possible."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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