Eldorado, Texas - (Reuterus & Fundamental Ass Mess): Forget the obvious suspects! 95% of the Yearn For Zion fundamentalist nutter cult children have tested DNA positive as progeny of nearby Predator Chapel Ranch chatelain George W Bush.
That's the finding of independent geneticists who were startled by the discovery of a rogue gene previously seen only in the DNA makeup of Bush family and its Third Reich forebears of Pope Pius XII, Adolf Hitler and the late Queen Mother.
"We think he's been sneakin' out regular at fool moon," one medic said today, "maybe sowing his seed at mass fertility ceremonies albeit with the aid of a mechanical pump and some basic farmyard impregnation equipment."
After the testing of minors all females under the age of 75 will also be DNA profiled "just to check up on Old Poppy Bush's activities" as well as those of some of hid more dodgy GOP chums.
"Some traces of Charles Manson are also evident in the material we've trawled through," one DNA profiler admitted.
"Let's hope there's nothing ulgier than that."
