Chinese Government propose revolutionary marking system for Olympic Javelin

Funny story written by Raymond Bentos

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

image for Chinese Government propose revolutionary marking system for Olympic Javelin
Absolutely no connection with the marking system. Honest.

Concerned over potential inaccuracies in the location of landed javelins in the forthcoming Olympic Games in Beijing, the Chinese authorities have unveiled a new method for precisely marking the spot where they have landed. Employing a unique 'orange to red' system, it is hoped the need for tapes and crude measuring devices will be completely eradicated thanks to the new approach.

Xiou Kan Lee, spokesperson for the Olympics organisers, described how the marking system works. 'It is very simple really. The entire field radiating out from the throwing area is completely covered by orange material which, on contact with a sharp javelin spear, immediately indicates the exact spot by issuing a bright red liquid easily seen by the entire stadium. We are convinced this will add to the excitement of the event for the spectators who, for the first time, will have a vivid indication of the distance thrown by the athletes'.

However, their approach is not without its critics. Members of the IOC who witnessed the trials earlier this week questioned exactly what was inside the tightly bound bright orange robe-like covers placed over a one hundred metre test strip, with some of them clearly uncomfortable with the muffled chants, screams and pleas for help issuing from the sometimes writhing rectangles.

Kan Lee dismissed these concerns with a smile, stating that the mechanism is a state secret and cannot be revealed due to its technical nature, and denied previous suggestions that it originated in Tibet.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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