Cosmos - (Rioters): Extra-terrestrial entities are said to be amused by reports among their tin foil hat bretheren that Stephen Hawking probably exists "but is a whole lot dumber than anybody could ever imagine."
"We are certainly not alone," one of the advanced life-forms commented today at a convention honoring the 5,000,000th anniversary of searching for intelligent life in Earth's Milky Way quadrant, "and there has been no cover-up.
"But what if these daft conspiracy theories about the alleged Stephen Hawking are really true?
"Our tabloid editors would make us into a galactic laughing stock, that's what.
"Theory of everything? Bunkum. Black holes? My arse!
"Jumped-up good-for-nothing sissy Poodlefaker."