London, Apr. 19, 2008: The Brown government has set in motion regulations to bring various seers, soothsayers, prophets, clairvoyants, necromancers, mediums, mystics, readers, fortune tellers, and sundry types of "spiritual workers" under the consumer protection laws of the UK, which sparked an ineffective protest.
About a dozen practitioners of the predictive arts marched from Trafalgar Square to 10 Downing Street. Apparently, it was a total mystery to the group of professional prognosticators that the Prime Minister was not in residence, but on a trip to the United States, so their 5,000 signature petition missed the delivery mark by about 3,700 miles.
The new rules will target "misleading or aggressive" activities by the crystal ball crowd. Currently, The Fraudulent Mediums Act (1951) has a standard that prosecutors must prove fraud by the miscreant spiritual medium or healer. The "fraud" act developed out of the 1735 Witchcraft Act, which eliminated the earlier problems of determining bad behavior altogether, since the ancient procedure was to execute anyone who claimed supernatural abilities. All in all, the changes made by the Crown are certainly trending upwards, in terms of personal safety, for legally dealing with an occasional con artist or pretend sorcerer.
In a rare event, Dame Endora Hagatha, noted 77th successor to the Witch of Endor, 1st Samuel 28:3-25, gave a private interview to an unidentified reporter at an undisclosed location in Wiltshire. Dame Endora very simply made clear that the only way to prosper in the spiritual business is to tend your own knitting, mind your own business, keep a very low profile, avoid publicity, and move about frequently.
The reporter quoted her directly, but anonymously: "You know, mate, it's just not the sort of thing where you put out a sign like the King's Arms Pub and offer your services on Main street or at Market Square," she said. "And furthermore, ducky, there's folks that take sorcery quite seriously. Run along now and read up about Harry Potter. Those that have the gifts won't be making a lot of noise. Ta love." And with that, she whirled into a small cyclone and spun off across the heath, cackling like a broody hen.