How Mike Love Stole The Beach Boys
With deepest apologies to the great Dr. Suess, this is my take on how Mike Love has stolen the legacy of The Beach Boys and Brian Wilson and turned it into a farce.
Read full storyPublishers to discontinue blow-in cards in magazines, replace with air-drops
NEW YORK - The American Association of Magazine Publishers (AAMP) announced today that US magazines will no longer contain annoying "blow-in" subscription cards.
Read full storyBlair's new house in Jeffrey Archer Close gets periscope planning permission
London - (Ass Mess): UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has won planning permission from Westminster Council to erect a periscope from the inside of his new family house in the aptly named Jeffrey Archer Close just off Conartist Square.
Read full storyUK TV news says Queen is forging bonds in US trip
London - (Ass Mess): A major UK news broadcaster has stunned the Metropolitan Police Fraud and Serious Crime office after it announced that the purpose of Queen Elizabeth's daft six days visit to see George Bush is 'forging bonds'.
Read full storyEaster Island Statues Just a Cultural Joke
Easter Island, Chili - After decades of research, scientists believe they have decoded the hidden meaning behind the large stone head statues located on Easter Island, Chili. A scroll was discovered on the island that gave indisputable proof of the m...
Read full storyEx-TV Presenter, MP & Failed Contender For Leadership Of UKIP Throws A Wobbly
Police in London have issued an arrest warrant for perma-tanned former TV presenter and MP, Robert Kilroy-Silk.
Read full storyGenomic Hunt Finds Asshole Gene
BOSTON, MA (AP Newsliar) -- Scientists have found the gene responsible for causing people to be assholes, researchers at the Foundation for Advanced Genetics Studies announced today.
Read full storyBritney Spears Nude & Topless Photos Bare All
ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA (HOLLYWOOD TRACKER)--Britney Spears pop diva and toxic twat of the limelight of stupidity has done it again. Where Britney walks trouble follows, but, this time it may be deliberate. Nude & topless
Read full storyBritney takes 'Toxic' out of tour
San Diego, California - Sporting go-go boots, mini skirt and hair, Britney returned to the stage at The House of Blues for a brief concert before a handful of devoted fans in San Diego yesterday. It was her first concert in three years since rehab an...
Read full storyPeter Andre in brain scare
Peter Andre the sickly faced playmate of inflatable model Jordan has been discharged from hospital.
Read full storyFlotilla of Americans lands on Cuban beach
HAVANA, CUBA - Seventy-five U.S. citizens in five overcrowded yachts landed on Cuba's Santa Maria Beach yesterday seeking political asylum. The Americans are asking the Cuban government for sanctuary, claiming they are political refugees escaping...
Read full story2010 World Cup Could Be On English Soil
In sensational news, the 2010 football World Cup could be staged in England, after building problems in South Africa have put the tournament plans in serious jeopardy. FIFA president...
Read full storyJ.M.W Turner pioneer of ape art
London- A small terraced house in a run down corner of the nation's grand capital is the last place one might expect to find the startling new evidence that has shaken the world's art markets and cast a cloud of doubt upon one of the most cel...
Read full storyScouse hearts are hurting
Liverpool fans were left heartbroken and crying into their cornflakes this morning as their fellow Reds failed to bring the best of British culture to those 'uncultured athenians'.
Read full storyHarry's Iraq outburst: "F*** 'em I'm Orf!"
THE Ministry of Defence and Buckingham Palace press offices are filled with red-faced, wheezing, heart-attacks-waiting-to-happen after the truth about the posting to Iraq of up-and-at-em Royal bullet magnet Prince Harry was revealed this week.
Read full storyNew Drug for Kids
Everyone has heard of the drugs for kids who are dumb, stupid and can't focus. But what about those kids who over-acheive? Nerds? Geeks? Chess Club? What about them?!...
Read full storyAmerican Idol brings back Sanjaya as 'Wild Card' for Barry Gibb Week
Just like Jennifer Hudson's Effie character in Dreamgirls, American Idol's Sanjaya Malakar is telling you he is staying! In a surprise move - perhaps to boost AI's sagging viewership - American Idol has decided to bring Sanjaya back as a...
Read full storyTroubled Barton's clothes not fresh - "Inconsolable," say pals
To many he's the mote in the black eye of the unacceptable face of football, but friends of Joey Barton have portrayed an altogether gentler side of the wild man of Manchester City this week.
Read full storyThousands of hired rent-a-crowd greet Queen Elizabeth
Richmond, Virginia - (Rioters): Thousands of specially hired rent-a-crowd supporters are amassing in the streets of Richmond to greet the Bush Administration's puppet monarch from over the waters as she and her Hellfire Club husband commemorate t...
Read full storyWarnock in chip-child near miss
SHEFFIELD United manager Neil 'The Anagram' Warnock and several dozen children were lucky to escape unharmed when one of the chips on the Blades' boss' shoulder became detached during a school visit.
Read full storyCops brand Livingstone as an evil little tosser
London - (Rotters): London cops have branded Mayor Ken Livingstone as an evil little tosser whose obsession with personal vendettas has spearheaded him into public office rather than any over-riding great political ambition.
Read full storyMoviegoers warned of Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett 'Babel' nausea
Tokyo - (Ass Mess): Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett may be responsible for hundreds of thousands of Japanese moviegoers' nausea and headaches after a raft of complaints from aduiences watching the newly released film Babel.
Read full storyJesus' Sandals Found in Iraq Desert
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Iraq - In Iraq this morning, fighting had broken out in the desert. The fighting was fierce at first, but soon died down when everyone ran out of ammo.
Read full storyRepubs Divided About What to Say About Bush. Arnie Has Best Answer
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Republican presidential candidates are divided on what to say about President Bush as they campaign for the 2008 presidency. McCain has already attacked the performance of the White House, while others feel...
Read full story$67 million: the cost of losing a Washington judge's pants
Washington - (Ass Mess): 'In God We Trust' is the holy mantra of the US financial system. And, according to a Washington judge, 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' and 'Same Day Service' is the dry cleaning industry's equivalent of...
Read full storyFrench presidential battle heats up
As the race for the French presidential election heats up our foreign policy reporter Danny Buckle investigates.
Read full storyCelebrities Bitch-Slap For Top Shrek and Donkey Roles
The casting of Broadway production of Shrek was turning into a celebrity catfight today as scores of ugly celebrities and their pukeworthy sidekicks bitch-slapped each other for a chance at the two lead roles on offer.
Read full storyUK WWII hero Slim accused of being child molestor
London - (Rotters): They erected a statue in London's Whitehall to honor World War II hero Field Marshall William Slim who was rewarded for his bravery by being appointed as governor-general of Australia after the war finished.
Read full storyCalls for inquiry into terror rappers investigation
The Conservative leader David Cameron lead calls for a public inquiry into the hip hop rappers investigation, following on from yesterday's outrage at terror rappe...
Read full storyTexas City refinery disaster: Corrupt Bastards helped ousted BP chief in cover-up
London - (Ass Mess): Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club - the charitable arm of the VECO Corporation which cleans up cover-up scandals in the US oil industry - has been revealed as the driving force which made sure BP's Texas City oil refinery di...
Read full storyInsurgents to come to Disney World
In a radical new strategy to deal with the increasing levels of violence in Iraq, President Bush has announced plans to invite the insurgents to Disney World, Florida.
Read full storyStop breathing! NOW!
Scientists have announced that after years of study, the earth's atmosphere has been found to be bad for our health. Experts at the University of Nebraska have advised the world's population to cease all respiratory function immediately.
Read full storyScissor Sisters new album all the rage
The Scissor Sisters are the producers of the hit song "Don't feel like dancing." This song has hit the top of the charts in several countries across the globe.
Read full storyShamu rescued
Today Killer whales jumped over the barricade at Sea World in Orlando and rescued Shamu. It turned out they were his friends before he was captured and brought to Sea World.
Read full storyRobbie Williams to Join Take That at Diana Concert Free For All
Robbie Williams agent today confirmed that he will be joining his old band Take That at the free for all that is the Diana concert. Following a slide in his career Robbie has at last decided that it might be prudent to clutch that last straw being te...
Read full storyThe benefits of being inside a refrigerator
Benefits of being inside a refrigerator...
Read full storyNew sheep found
Today the Hubble Space Telescope people have found a new breed of sheep on Pluto, whose coats are bright blue and can jump up to a hundred metres off the ground.
Read full storyPrince William Was Attracted To Kate's Mum, Not Kate
Carole Middleclass, the mother of Prince William's ex-girlfriend Kate Middleclass, is in the news again after it emerged that she was the main reason behind her daughter's premature Royal bre...
Read full storyPresident Bush takes exams
In an attempt to further his education President Bush went back to school today.
Read full storyImmigrants for Homeless exchange
May 1st, Governor Schwarzenegger explained his answer for the growing illegal immigrant problem in California.
Read full storyPregnancy-Childbirth link identified
Redneck Gap, Mississippi - Researchers at the Mississippi Institute of Technology's Che Guevara Medical School have just concluded a multiyear study to determine a possible link between pregnancy in women and subsequent childbirth.
Read full storyGeorge Bush passing bill to gain apology from global warming
Today, George Bush is trying to get a bill passed to force an apology out of Global Warming. The bill will force whatever amazing force that is causing global warming to stop its acts, apologize, and leave.
Read full storyEmo Protests
Thousands of fat teenagers and lazy emos are getting together for a mass cutting today in front of the MySpace.com HQ today after Tom posted a bulletin that he would be shutting down MySpace.
Read full storyMost people are "full of it" - New study provides conclusive evidence
Honolulu - Scientists at the Southern Hawaii Institute of Technology have concluded that a critical mass in sociological history has been reached. Worldwide, for the first time in recorded history, a majority of people are full of it.
Read full storyPeople say stupid things
First I must say, I love my friends dearly. But some of them have a tendency to say INCREDIBLY STUPID THINGS!!!...
Read full storyState Visit: Queen to apologise for Blair, Princess Diana, William & Kate royal mess etc
Richmond, Virginia - (Ass Mess): Queen Elizabeth will make a personal apology this week to the American people during her official US swansong visit for the right royal mess of tosser UK Prime Monster Tony Blair, the fiasco of Princess Diana's de...
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