Honolulu - Scientists at the Southern Hawaii Institute of Technology have concluded that a critical mass in sociological history has been reached. Worldwide, for the first time in recorded history, a majority of people are full of it.
Known to epidemiologists as Fecal Retention Disorder, or FRD, the condition, known colloquially as being 'full of it", has been spreading unabated and exponentially over the past twenty years throughout the United States and around the world.
Symptoms of FRD include pervasive feelings of omniscience, or being a 'know it all', having an inflated sense of self, vastly overestimating one's abilities, and being perceived by others as an incorrigible nuisance.
Though no cure for FRD has been identified, some of the disorder's more salient and obnoxious symptoms have been effectively treated by a controversial intervention known as Aversive Physical Therapy, or APV. Though practitioners of this approach rave about its effectiveness, critics allege that it is simply 'beating the crap' out of somebody and calling it therapy.
Sal Manella
