Police in London have issued an arrest warrant for perma-tanned former TV presenter and MP, Robert Kilroy-Silk.
It would appear that the failed UKIP leadership contender has been running around polling stations and covering them in graffiti.
Charlie Scabs, a council cleaning operative tells us:
"That's bleedin' typical of his kind. They goes around makin' a mess and the ordinary blokes like me has to clean it up.
You don't fink 'e gives a monkey's chuff do you? Oh no! Some muggins like me, on fackin minimum wage can sort that out while 'e's living it up in some la-di-da fackin' posh restaurant somewhere!"
Mr Silk was not available for comment but issued the following statement through his agent:
"Doreen went into hospital for a routine operation and never came out again. This morning on Kilroy we ask: Is the health service in crisis?. Tell us about your lovely mum Sharon"
Sir Ian Blair, brother of PM Tony Blair, and head of the Boy Scouting movement told us:
"I'm never wrong! I've never been wrong and I most certainly will never be wrong. I just don't do wrong! Geddit?"
