Catholic Church Starts Online Confessional
Faced with ever decreasing numbers of parishes and increasing numbers of traveling parishioners, the Catholic Church has instituted a virtual "online confessional" where sinners can confess their sins and receive penance by email.
Read full storyPaul Gascoigne Rushed to Hospital with Perforated Head
Former England footballer Paul Gascoigne has been rushed to hospital to undergo emergency surgery for a perforated head, his agent has said today.
Read full storyPirates Orlando Bloom Naked on Stage with Nurse Gladys
Pirates of the Caribbean star Orlando Bloom has revealed he is planning to get back to basics by romping naked on stage with Nurse Gladys of "Open all Hours" fame.
Read full storyMillions of Addresses and Thousands of Sites, All Leading to One
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - If you THINK you have a good handle on the Internet economy, check this out...
Read full storyHollywood Star Paul Newman "Gives Up"
Hollywood's best-known actor Paul Newman, says he has decided to give up acting at the age of 82. In an unprecendented move by an ageing Hollywood actor, Newman has refused to prop himself up with a formaldehyde concoction of blood replacing drug...
Read full storyDyslexia is just kids' way to hide thick, stupid, moronic parents
London - (Ass Mess): A leading study of over one thousand British school children has found that the vast majority of them feign learning difficulties as a dyslectic smokescreen for having 'lazy, thick or stupid parents'.
Read full storyRay Santilli defends UK TV Diana autopsy film
London - (Ass Mess): Alien Autopsy movie maker Ray Santilli has defended UK broadcaster Channel 4's decision to show an hour long documentary into Princess Diana's autopsy as "crucial to the scientific inderstanding of how this species e...
Read full storyBig puss sought solace in wildlife guide's bed
Tel Aviv - (Rotters): It's the ultimate night-time male fantasy: you wake up in the middle of the night, expecting nothing in particular only to find a warm, cuddly pussy snuggled up right beside you, purring sweetly in your ear with anticipatio...
Read full storyPoland Bans Tinky Winky For Being Too Gay
Popular gay tellytubby Tinky Winky today threatened to pull out of negotiations to serialise "The Tellytubbies" in Poland after officials accused him of corrupting the country's children.
Read full storyIraq War Senate Intelligence Report: Bush The Child Left Behind
Washington Toast - President Bush announced, during a Rose Garden press conference, (where he was bombed by a bird up in a tree) that he is better informed about terrorism than the general public, as he gets and reads all the intelligence reports. Ap...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell May Never Speak to Hasselback Again!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - NEW YORK - Rosie O'Donnell said that she may never speak to Elisabeth Hasselbeck again.
Read full storyPhone Vote For Diana Crash Images
Channel 4 have denied rumours that an upcoming documentary about the death of Princess Diana in a car crash ten years ago will be anything but voyeuristic.
Read full storyMcCanns to visit Pope in bid to widen hunt for kidnapper
Portugal - (Ass Mess): The parents of a four year old girl kidnapped on holiday in Portugal are set to visit the Vatican to check if it is shielding any child molestors in the Praia da Luz resort where their daughter was taken.
Read full storyBees Ground British Passenger Plane
A British Airways 747 on it's way from London to Portugal had to make an emergency landing after it was grounded by a group of bees. One engine was filled with bee carcasses and parts and the passengers were eventually moved to another plane.
Read full storyJethro Bodine Builds Nevada Casino
Jethro Bodine, nephew of oil billionaire Jed Clampett, is building a new Nevada casino in Carson City. He hopes to begin construction soon on the new facility.
Read full storyPresident Bush Visits Arlington National Cemetery on Memorial Day
President Bush paid a Memorial Day visit to Arlington National Cemetery and stood by the tombs of the Unknown Soldiers from America's wars. After walking around the hallowed ground in silence for a few minutes in calm reflection, the President o...
Read full storyIndependent Kansas Bookseller Burns Inventory in Protest
A Kansas City, Missouri bookseller burned his inventory as a protest in a scene from Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 or Nazi Germany.
Read full story666 Irish criminals in UK jails
London - (Ass Mess): The UK's Daily Fascist newspaper has reported that there are 666 Irish criminals languishing in British jails who should be deported to somewhere where they can't inflict themselves on the UK taxpayer.
Read full storyChina Bans Harry Potter Books
(Crappers China) The Chinese government has declared that Harry Potter is too scary to children and decided to ban the books. Unfortunately the Chinese children will never find out how the series end. Even Harry Potter sites are banned and if you sea...
Read full storyThere's Something About Roger
Direct from this mornings French Open press conference.
Read full storySean Penn Joins Marine Corps, Refuses to Cut Hair
Mediocre actor and self-styled bad ass Sean Penn has enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. According to Penn's spokesperson, who asked not to be identified, the bad boy actor arrived at Paris Island, South Carolina two weeks ago for boot c...
Read full storyAmish Women Dress Sexy
Yes, the times indeed are changing, even among such staunch defenders of tradition as the Amish.
Read full storyNRA to Lobby for Right to Bear Nuclear Arms
The National Rifle Association, enduring guardians of the right of Americans to keep and bear arms, have announced that the second amendment also includes the right of individuals to possess nuclear arms.
Read full storyKevorkian to be new Surgeon General
President George W. Bush announced today that he intends to fire acting Surgeon General Kenneth P. Moritsugu and replace him with Dr. Jack Kevorkian, upon Kevorkian's release from prison, which is expected on June 1. Dr. Kevorkian, the so-called...
Read full story"W", M.D. - Comedy Flick Stars Tom Cruise
"W", M.D.Anathema Motion Pictures, which brought movie fans the outlandishly hilarious remake of the Wizard of Oz, starring President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, has d...
Read full storyRev. Al Sharpton declares "I'm a Big Fat Idiot Too!"
The Reverend Al Sharpton, civil rights activist and radio talk show host, said Monday that he is angry about the fact that Al Franken has not written a book about him.
Read full storyChina's Wen Jiabao blamed for the recent rise in pork price!
According to the Ministry of Agriculture, in April live pigs nationwide were priced 71.3 percent higher than a month earlier, and pork, 29.3 percent higher, largely due to tightened supply.
Read full storyTed Kennedy Loses Voice: Cape Wind in Jeopardy
Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy has developed a severe case of laryngitis, said a Kennedy spokesman today. Doctors for the Senate leader said today that the severe sore throat was caused by a lengthy filibuster.
Read full storyRon Paul Invites Rudy Guiliani To UFC's Octagon
New York, NY (FP) - Congressman Ron Paul invites former mayor Rudy Guiliani to debate American foreign policy in UFC (Ultimate Fighting Challenge) style match-up Saturday.
Read full storyGiuliani Recommends Orwell's "1984" as Blueprint for Future
Iowa City, Iowa - While campaigning to a group of college students in America's Heartland, Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani told the audience to re-read George Orwell's classic "1984" to get an idea of what this country...
Read full storyAl Gore. An Inconvenient Spoof.
Washington - Rootass:- A recent article on the satirical website TheSpoof.com, has caused a bit of a flap in the Al Gore camp, due to a link from another website got some people thinking it was real news.
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