Hollywood Star Paul Newman "Gives Up"

Funny story written by carina-eta

Monday, 28 May 2007

image for Hollywood Star Paul Newman "Gives Up"
Bert Reynolds as teen hacker in Ocean 15

Hollywood's best-known actor Paul Newman, says he has decided to give up acting at the age of 82. In an unprecendented move by an ageing Hollywood actor, Newman has refused to prop himself up with a formaldehyde concoction of blood replacing drugs, have a complete face and bodylift and relaunch his career as a 52 year old.

Fellow Hollywood octegenarians were today said to be horrified at Newmans decision, "Its a complete betrayal," said former friend Robert Redford, today masquerading as an ageing sagging wrinkled ex-hunk."I had the full lift and hair transplant 20 years ago and I just assumed he would follow suit when he was ready, I even saved one of my spare tyres for him so he could have his cheekbones restructured."

Fellow "actor" Sly Stallone was also visibly distressed by the news, crying openly on camera,"He's going to allow himself to get old? Poor guy, poor confused guy. Aah-god, ya gotta think of the distress this will cause his family"

Also shocked by Newmans decision was his agent, Rita Deeter,"I have never lost a star before this, they just dont retire in this industry, it's unheard of."
Rita is said to be having therapy after discovering that Newmans retirement is for real and not just a publicity stunt for a new film release.

Newman, a nine-time Oscar nominee who has starred in more than 50 films, claimed he was no longer able to perform to the best of his ability.

"What the hell has that got to do with anything?" asked a shocked Bert Reynolds.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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