Iraq War Senate Intelligence Report: Bush The Child Left Behind

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 28 May 2007

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Back to school.

Washington Toast - President Bush announced, during a Rose Garden press conference, (where he was bombed by a bird up in a tree) that he is better informed about terrorism than the general public, as he gets and reads all the intelligence reports. Apparently, all of the intelligence agencies of the United States failed to mention what birds overhead could do to those below.

Less than twenty-four hours after the President's confident pronouncement on intelligence, the Senate Intelligence Prewar Report on Iraq was released and made public. The report predicted that invasion of Iraq would be followed by: violence and division; introduce Al Qaeda into Iraq; wage guerrilla warfare against the new government and coalition forces; produce a state of civil war among Sunni and Shia tribes.

If the President really, really read this report before the invasion, and still invaded Iraq, his reading skills must be an example of one child left behind. Way, way back. True, he continued reading a children's book after the first twin tower was hit by terrorists on 9/11, but that falls short of suggesting his reading comprehension is at an adult level, even if he wanted to see how the book ended.

The Senate Intelligence Prewar Report on Iraq appears to be an accurate prediction of the nightmare that exists today. Months of research went into the preparation of the report and it wasn't as though it was written by Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. If, as Bush claims, the intelligence was read, why was it ignored? He didn't understand it? Too complex?

President Bush needs a fast crash course in remedial reading with questions asked after each paragraph to test his reading skills. Not a multiple choice quiz, but essay. Real pen in hand words, and not spell checked computer generated answers. Crank up the brain to the level of David Gergen or Madelene Albright.

Back to school and he doesn't have to wear school boy shorts or a beanie on his head, but he may carry his megaphone. Then, when the Senate Intelligence Prewar Report on Iran is written and read, it will be understood, war will not be pursued, President Bush can begin taking follow up questions at press conferences in the Rose Garden, Laura will stand holding an umbrella, and the President will no longer be the kid left behind.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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