CalJennings Tries to Help Bush
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Ripley, WV - Today, after throwing a beer bottle at President George W. Bush's RV, TheSpoof.com reporter CalJennings felt guilty and went back to see if he could help. When he got to the president's RV, Bush stumbled o...
Read full storyJerry Falwell Hits Roadblock On the Path to Heaven
We all thought the Reverend Jerry Falwell was a shoe in for gaining admittance to heavenly paradise. Unfortunately there seems to be a little hitch in his paper work clearing his ascendancy to nirvana.
Read full storyParis Hilton Drops Appeal on Prison Sentence
Paris Hilton has dropped her appeal and appears resigned to serve out her forty five day prison sentence for D.W.I. and driving with a suspended license. She admitted to her publicist today that she hopes she is such a good girl that she does get ha...
Read full storyBush sends in USS Bunker Hunt to blast Juneau satirist for "caravan" story
Juneau, Alaska - (Ass Mess): The White House ordered a massive show of strength today in the Corrupt Bastards Club-riddled shores around Juneau where a Nam Vet and satirist has been holding out lampooning the Bush Administration's freefall into i...
Read full storyWest Virginia Group To Start Own Corrupt Bastards Club
A group of men from West Virginia, distrurbed and disgusted by the news and debauchery out of Juneau, Alaska, has decided to form their own Corrupt Bastards Club. That organization has been in the news lately in connection with several illicit scams...
Read full storySchools Around the World Cancelled
According to recent studies school is causing stress to students. Ting Schits who teaches at Wellh Ung school says "In the past months, I have seen more and more student depression caused primarily by school."...
Read full storyIs American Idol, Rigged?
A source inside American Idol has come forward to reveal winning contestants are pre determined by the American Idol staff well before America votes. It's been alleged by a news source that Jordon Sparks was picked as the winner in the first few...
Read full storyArmy finds compromise: Prince Harry to go to Iraq as a member of a Concert Party
Beaming Generals emerged from a high level Army meeting today with the announcement that Prince Harry will go to Iraq, but not to fight. He is to join a Concert Party.
Read full storyNazi Saul Petitions Against Ron Paul
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Michigan - The Chairman of the Michigan Republican Party, Saulius Anuzis, or "Saul" as he likes to be called, took the day off from persecuting and killing Christians to write a petition to keep Ron Paul out of future...
Read full storyCouncil Arrests Pigeon For Dropping Two Crisps
A council has defended its decision to issue an £80 litter fine after a pigeon dropped two crisps on the pavement. The pigeon was pounced on by 2 zealous litter wardens who threw themselves onto the shocked bird waving their council badges.
Read full storyMars Bars to be added to Calf's Stomachs
Dairy farmers have today revealed plans to add liquidized Mars Bars to calf's stomachs in an attempt to produce chocolate flavoured beef.
Read full storyIndian Men "Most Honest" in World Condom Survey
A two-year study carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research has concluded that Indian men are the worlds most honest when it comes to completing surveys about penis size.
Read full storyWhere There's Drought, There's Brass
Madonna hopes to earn her weight in CFCs this week on the launch of her new song 'Oi You!' which is aimed at combatting global climate change.
Read full storyNo love lost for Jerry Falwell at Westboro Baptist Church
Topeka, Kansas - (Ass Mess): Pastor Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is planning his own eulogy at the Reverend Jerry Falwell's funeral later this week in an attempt to settle a few long-running scores and get the last word in at the en...
Read full storyRon Paul Excluded from Future Debates
Washington - Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX) has been officially excluded from all future Republican Presidential Debates. Paul, who officially entered the race in February of this year, has participated in the first two debates, and was ranked in the to...
Read full storyGordon Ramsay to be Prime Minister
London: It's official - Gordon Ramsay will take over from Tony Blair as Prime Minister in June.
Read full storyKevin Rudd and Dalai Lama to Get Drunk and Talk About Girls
Kevin Rudd, the new Australian opposition leader, refused to meet with the Dalai Lama despite launching a scathing attack on Foreign Minister Downer for once doing the same.
Read full storyRelatively Speaking
Family - they say you can't live with them, can't sell them as slaves. So how does the average person survive them? There are three keys to maintain your family ties and your sanity. All of these are interrelated, no singular one can survive without the others. They are deception, fake smiling and alibis.
Read full storyHarry's War
Whitehall - (Rotters): The news that Prince Harry isn't going to Iraq has been announced by General Sir Richard Donut who admitted the decision had been taken in the light of a number of "specific threats" by the Prince.
Read full storyJuneau mayor: "Whatever next, an earthquake perhaps?"
Juneau, Alaska - (Ass Mess): Commenting on the spate of headline-grabbing events centered on Alaskan capital Juneau during the past few weeks Mayor Bruce M Botelho said today he was still reeling from shock but prepared for the worst:...
Read full storyBlair has massive erection for Bush!
London, RootArse: - Next week the President plays host to the British Prime Minister and it is rumoured that Mr Bush has some gifts awaiting Mr Blair's arrival, but the lesser heard rumour mill is saying that Tony also ha...
Read full storyFeds probe Corrupt Bastards' attempt to scuttle Empress for the insurance money
Juneau - (Ass Mess): FBI sources have said that the near capsize of Majestic America's Empress of the North this week may have been a cynical attempt by the Corrupt Bastards Club to scuttle the jinxed and disaster-prone vessel for the in...
Read full storyFuture British PM Reveals Tip For Success
Set to become the next Prime Minister of England, Gordon Brown has revealed the secret behing his successful career in politics. Born Mohammad Attah Khan von Ginsberg, at the age of 12, he changed his name by deed po...
Read full storyPrince Harry Not To Be Sacrificed After All
(London, Eng-er-land, Associated P.A.) The decision to send Prince Harry off to fight in Iraq has been reversed. It was decided this week that the Prince would present too great a security risk for both himself, and other soldiers of...
Read full storyWarhol's prescient Diana car crash painting sells for $71.7m
New Tork - (Ass Mess): A spookily prescient Andy Warhol painting of a car crash reminiscent of the death of Princess Diana has sold for $71.7m at Christie's in New York.
Read full storyWar-torn Iraq policy facing collapse
London - (Ass Mess): The Bush Admnistration in Downing Street faces the distinct possibility of 'collapse and fragmentation' according to UK foreign policy stink tank Chatham House.
Read full storyJose's Dog - Missing
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho's pet Yorkshire Terrier Gullit has gone missing following discussions with police over the dog's legality in Britain.
Read full storyParis Hitlon pleads to choose her own cellmate
California - (Ass Mess): Feeling confident after securing a fifty per cent remission on her 45 day sentence for 'good behavior' Paris Hilton is now demanding new conditions prior to entering the 'special needs housing unit' at Century...
Read full storyWolfowitz despondent at Bush deal giving his job to Blair
Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): As he wakes to the dulcet tones of the DC dawn chorus in the palatial comfort zone of his White House hospitality suite UK Prime Monster Tony Blair is confident his host George Bush has managed to talk World Bank nepoti...
Read full storyAnna Nicole's Baby Gets Breast Implants
Howard K Smith announced today that Anna Nicole's love child Hannah, fathered by good guy photographer Larry Birkhead has decided to give the small infant her first set of breast implants.
Read full storyFrench President-Elect in Hot Water Already
Recently inaugurated French President Nicolas Sarkozy was embroiled in his first bru-ha yesterday when election love-rival Sellotape Royale let slip that Sarkozy liked to wear women's underwear...
Read full storySinister Zombie Worshiping Cult snares billions worldwide!
World ASS' PRESS: - There are growing concerns in some circles that a pseudo religion with cult like attributes is brainwashing people into becoming followers. The crazy tin pot cult is leading people to believe...
Read full storyBritain to become Fast-food Capital!
Yesterday, the Government revealed plans to boost the nations' economy by opening a burger bar.
Read full storyShare blame, share Girlfriend solution works for the World Bank
Media report after report reported that World Bank president, Mr. Wolfowitz wanted the Board to share blame for controversy over salary raise for his girlfriend. Robert Bennett, his attorney, stated "Mr. Wolfowitz will not leave under a cloud&...
Read full storyFalwell from beyond the light
The spirit of the late Jerry Falwell made a late night visit to this reporter; either that or it was an undigested bit of gruel. Regardless, Jerry needed to pass on to his many followers, members of the current administration (one and the same), and all practicing (and we do mean practicing) bigots some information from beyond the white light.
Read full storyParis Hilton New Jail house Address :) Write Me!
LYNWOOD, CALIFORNIA (PENAL DIGEST) --Paris Hilton will be trading Prava for a Los Angeles County Jail orange jumpsuit and mug shot. Hilton found guilty on misdemeanor charges of driving without a California Drivers License, will be incarcerated for the next three weeks (Her time behind bars has been shortened). Now that she is doing her time there is no reason you can't write her or send her f...
Read full storyPrince Harry Excused From Fighting In Iraq
Prince Harry, the son of James Hewitt, will not be sent to fight in Iraq, says the head of the British Army in an announcement made last night from a bunker deep underneath London.
Read full storyMarijuiana Leagalized in U.S
The U.S has decided that Marijuana will in fact be legal. One of the biggest reasons is people need more jobs.
Read full storyDepression Caused by Halo 3 Beta
The Halo 3 Beta which came with the newly released game Crackdown for Xbox 360 was supposed to be released around 8:00 a.m (Eastern Time). It is believed it may have been the catalyst, causing instantaneous manic depression in teens and adults.
Read full storyDog Gets Million Dollar Verdict in Personal Injury Case
A Mississippi jury today awarded a $1.2 Million verdict to a golden retriever named Sparky against Senator Trent Lott in a personal injury case. This is only the third time that a pet has been able to recover pain and suffering damages for personal i...
Read full storyGod Writes Book About Christopher Hitchens
Heaven - Christopher Hitchens the proud and witty Author of "God Is Not Great", was surprised to recieve an autographed copy of a book written by God. Gods book was titled "You're Not So Great Yourself "...
Read full storyBlair to plead with Bush over Corrupt Bastard Lord Browne
Washington - (Ass Mess): UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has flown into Washington to plead with George Bush for ex-BP boss Lord Browne not to be extradited to the US to face corruption charges.
Read full storyThe "Puff the Magic Dragon" code decoded!
For many years it was thought that the 1963 chart hit 'Puff the Magic Dragon' was a song about smoking marijuana, "not so" it was revealed yesterday.
Read full storyPutin to Tone Down Cold War Rhetoric; Small Arms Race on; US way Ahead
London, England - Russian and US relations have cooled down to the point that many have openly speculated that we are in the midst of entering a new cold war, if we have not already. Comments from Russian President Putin bore that out when in a recen...
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