No love lost for Jerry Falwell at Westboro Baptist Church

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 17 May 2007

image for No love lost for Jerry Falwell at Westboro Baptist Church
Westboro Baptist Church's Pastor Phelps is ready to preach

Topeka, Kansas - (Ass Mess): Pastor Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is planning his own eulogy at the Reverend Jerry Falwell's funeral later this week in an attempt to settle a few long-running scores and get the last word in at the end of their acrimonious twenty year relationship.

A WBC announcement has said that Phelps will decry the life of the 'corpulent false prophet Jerry Falwell, who spent his entire life prophesying lies and false doctrines.'

"It's taken years and years to gain the upper hand on that tool of Satan. Waiting until the old bastard is dead has been a long and lonely road but I've maqde it and he hasn't so it's no holds barred and keep the cameras rollin.

"Everybody who really loves The Lord knows darned well that the Lord abhored this mutant preacher of idolatry," Phelps added.

"Falwell warmly praised Christ-rejecting Jews, pedophile-condoning Catholics, money-grubbing compromisers, practicing fags like Mel White, and backsliders like Billy Graham and Robert Schuler," he continued.

"And his sucking up to George Bush was worse than all the Moloch-adoring child molestors of the Old Testament.

"At least they had ignorance as their excuse. What was Falwell's? Nuttin'. He had no excuse, 'cept his Bush-whoring ego-self and afire in his belly to make them millions.

Phelps has also vowed to sing his church's new hymn
'God Hates the World' at the funeral:

"God hates the world and all her people, you, every one, face a fiery day for your proud sinning. It's too late to change His mind, you lived out your vain lives, storing up God's wrath for all eternity."

"I might just add a special verse about Jerry. Funny how that name is what the Brits used to call the Nazis. Maybe some of 'em knew about Falwell, and his liquor-peddlin' mosbster Pop.

"Sure hope them cameras will be rollin' for the funeral eulogy I intend preachin'. It would be a shame if some folks missed the best bits, especially in the White House."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more