Set to become the next Prime Minister of England, Gordon Brown has revealed the secret behing his successful career in politics. Born Mohammad Attah Khan von Ginsberg, at the age of 12, he changed his name by deed poll to one 'voters would feel comfortable with on a ballot paper'.
'Brown looked to be a safe, vote-winner' he said and was vindicated yesterday when the last challenger for his position, John 'Old' McDonnell, fell by the wayside.
'McDonnell put up a brave challenge' Brown commented, 'but at the end of the day, it's colours that people respond to and not nursery rhyme characters'.
Brown had successfully beaten off other contenders for the title, including former Minister for Entertainment, Cilla Black.
'Black was clever' Brown remarked, 'but she never realised people would perceive her to be the baddie. As a consequence, she lost votes. At the end of the day, it's not about popularity, charisma, policies nor a youthful grin and a cheeky spring in your step... it's about voting for a name you feel comfortable with and this government has been in the shit for so long, Brown was the obvious candidate'.
Brown is expected to announce his new cabinet within five weeks though already Jimmy White, Huey Green, Scarlett Johannson, Sienna Miller, Cherry Blair, Jade Jagger, David Gray and Engelbert Umber-dink have been named as possible contenders for the top jobs.
Brown was also quoted as saying that under him, 'the future looked rosie'.