Ron Paul Excluded from Future Debates

Funny story written by J. Wesmon

Thursday, 17 May 2007

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Presidential Candidate Ron Paul

Washington - Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX) has been officially excluded from all future Republican Presidential Debates. Paul, who officially entered the race in February of this year, has participated in the first two debates, and was ranked in the top tier of participants in several Internet polls.

Senator Mel Martinez (R-FL), Republican Party General Chairman, made the announcement late Thursday afternoon shortly after reviewing the results of the second Republican Candidate debate on Tuesday.

"These debates are intended as a means for people to get a look at the candidates, evaluate their positions, and make an informed decision in the primaries based upon the facts and issues as we outline them," he explained. "We can not allow low tiered candidates with contrary positions to pollute the discussions with arbitrary issues such as the constitution, liberty, and limited government."

Congressman Paul is noted for his strict constitutional positions and application of those principles in his congressional votes. He is consistently rated at 100% by most conservative rating institutions. During the second debate, he made a controversial statement pointing out that American foreign policy, as practiced by our elected officials for the past sixty years, contributed to the motivation of the 9/11 terrorists. The statement incited the ire of former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, another debate participant, who condemned Paul's statement as absurd although common sense, the CIA, and the 911 Commission Report all concur with Paul's opinion.

"There are several good, dedicated Republican candidates who reflect the Republican party line as dictated by the currently elected Republicans," Martinez continued. "When a candidate such as Mr. Paul refuses to follow that party line and insists upon making statements that embarrass more favored candidates, it only results in confusion in the minds of potential voters who are so easily led astray by the truth."

FOX News Channel, MSNBC, and ABC have also all indicated that they would exclude Dr. Paul from any future debates as well as continue the media blackout on his campaign.

A FOX News spokeswoman who asked to remain anonymous so she would not be sexually harassed by corporate management and on-air staff stated, "Ron Paul's positions on limited government as outlined in the constitution would so severely reduce the responsibilities of the government that we would have nothing to report and would have to fill the airwaves with other news. Just how long can we report on Paris Hilton and Rosie O'Donnell until the viewing public wakes up? If people stopped watching, it would be disastrous to our stock options. Think of the children of Fox News employees who would suffer if our stock options took a dive. What about all the senior citizens who own our stock? Is Ron Paul against children and senior citizens? We can not, in good faith, give this man a forum in which to spew his anti-American vile."

Rudy Giuliani was unavailable for comment until he reads the 911 Commission Report to determine how we will twist this mistake to his favor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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