Ousted Cleric Urges Action

Funny story written by Rumplestilskin

Monday, 25 June 2007

image for Ousted Cleric Urges Action

A strange scene unfolded in a small, independent church in upstate New York this weekend as the recently excommunicated Rev. Cotton Fullafit blasted all critics of mandatory exorcisms in the public schools as being "insensitive to the needs of the possessed and naive about the dangers they posed to everyone else."

According to Rev. Fullafit, recent newspaper editorials, written by "misguided" commentators, have taken the politically popular stance that demonically possessed children are no more violent than the general public. This "idiocy", Fullafit claims, "is further advanced by arguments that identifying and dealing with the link between violence and untreated possession creates social ostricism, which in turn prevents people from wanting to be exorcised."

"That", said Fullafit, "is simply ridiculous!"

He also said that the possessed, whether they be children or adults, are "no more violent than the general population after they have undergone the rituals of exorcism". But he insisted that many studies show most of the possessed are indeed more dangerous when they have not been exorcised.

He said the fear of social ostricism may discourage a few people from seeking exorcism, but the impact of that is relatively minor: "As we've witnessed time and time again, the greatest barriers to treatment of demonic possession are misinformation, lack of education amongst religious and political leaders, and weak or nonexistent exorcism laws."

Fullafit was greeted with wild cheers and applause as he shouted these closing lines: "If we don't force the possessed to be exorcised, they will soon come and attack us in our homes and on our streets. We must stop them any way we can!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more