Written by queen mudder

Monday, 25 June 2007

image for Cops poised to bust Opus Dei for 7/7 London atrocities
Suffer little children who come to me when Opus Dei is around

London - (Ass Mess): Police investigating the 7/7 London terrorism atrocities that killed 52 commuters are poised to swoop on the hierarchy of the Opus Dei organization on the feast day of the patron saint Josemaria Escriva.

Many months of painstaking retro-engineering of security and intelligence files has provided a breakthrough showing the Opus Dei financial conduits that purchased the demented suicide bombers' campaign of horror.

Decoding the hawala system of moneylaundering revealed funds linked to the Swiss bank accounts of former Saudi Arabian ambassador to the US Prince Bandar paid off opium and heroid trading debts of Asian families who normally settle unpayable business accounts by selling their six year old daughters in marriage to hoary 50 year old dealers.

The placement of those funds in Bandar's hands was traced to Opus Dei plants in the UK Ministry of Defence who doshed up Bandar with over £1.2billion as a backhander to the £40 billion Al Yammamah oil for arms scam.

And the architect of this 25 year cosy arrangement was Joseph Ratzinger in his previous Vatican incarnation as head of Opus Dei.

CIA files held classified cold war papers for over 40 years showing that the former Hitler Youth aficionado had fathered both Vladimir Sputum, President of Russia, and Osama Bin Laden, the so-called Saudi mastermind of 9/11.

Ratzinger's espionage career from behind the Vatican veil that shrouded his corruption in a saintly religious wrapper had been known for a long time to NATO military intelligence.

But unravelling the extent of his perfidious terror has taken more decades than NATO ever imagined.

And what of Josemaria Escriva, the Godfather of the fetid Opus Dei organization that has wreaked horror upon the planet and framed Asian narcotics dealers?

Keeping his secrets has occupied the Vatican's coffers extremely busy. Especially when police officers investigating the murder of God's Banker Roberto Calvi discovered that Escriva had fathered him by a ten year old girl who was then lynch-mobbed by neighbors after giving birth to the by-product of the day rape ordeal that had inseminate her and robbed her of her childhood.

Saint Josemaria Escriva feast day is June 26.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: opus dei




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
37 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more