CBS and PBS executives have announced major changes in their respective flagship news programs. CBS have said that Jon Stewart of The Daily Show will replace Katie Couric in the coveted Evening News anchor slot and PBS announced that The News Hour With Jim Lehrer has been cancelled and will be replaced by the Colbert Report.
Studio executives explained that it was clear that straight news reporting was responsible for a rise in depression, anxiety, stress related health problems and even suicide attempts among viewers and that replacing news anchors and shows that contributed to this vast public health problem was their sacred duty.
Katie Couric could not be reached for comment but a spokesperson said she would be pursuing a career in hospice work when she leaves CBS. Jim Lehrer was quoted as saying that retirement was for sissies and that he will be pursuing a career in teaching the over 60 crowd white water rafting.