Smokers Unite and Warn Against Bans
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Smokers united to protest smoking ban bills that have been passed, saying that it infringes on their Constitutional rights and the intent of our forefathers when they wrote the Declaration of Independence.
Read full storyWarring Redlick can keep Paris Hilton out of Attica for Five Grand
NEW YORK STATE (YONKERS) --"If you've been charged while driving drunk as a rooter skunk in New York City, we will get you the best resolution possible and make sure everything goes smoothly so you don't have to worry. Just go on partyi...
Read full storyMadonna: it's over
London - (Rotters): The criminal careeer of Kabbalah mumbo-jumbo peddling Bush courtesdan Madonna is all but over.
Read full storyParis Challenges Libby
Hollywood, Ca - Paris Hilton, today, issued a challenge to I Lewis "Scooter" Libby to face her in Fox's Celebrity Criminals' Cagematch.
Read full storyCash-for-peerages-and-NHS terrorists: prosecutors say probe complete
London - (Ass Mess): The Crown Prosecutions Service has told police they can go ahead and arrest all the villains in the cash-for-peerages-and-NHS terrorists case after an extended investigation found that former Saudi ambassador to the US ordered To...
Read full storySmoking, Not Money, Is The Root Of All Evil
A new report by the American Anti-Smoking Crusade shows that smoking has surpassed money as the root of all evil.
Read full story7/7/7 is Biblical Day of Judgement
London - (Ass Mess): The World Council of Matriarchy meeting in closed conclave near St James's Palace duckpond this weekend has warned that the numerologically-sensitive date of 7/7/7 is a dead cert for the Biblical Day of Judgement Upon Earth.
Read full storyMicroroft may be Declared Terrorist
WASHINGTON (RAYMOND) -- Today. State Troopers surrounded the mega G-Box makers campus to stop all shipments. "We've got a problem," said Gearart Fuselpeek, VP of lunch and launch in the G-Box division, "it's not a ca...
Read full storyFucking Austria, voted safest place to live
AUSTRIA (FUCKING) -- Travel. The answer is a resounding - YES! Fucking is a tiny safe haven located approx 27 Kms north of Salzburg. "Everyone's welcome to Fucking," said Mayor Klaus Kamelhoffener, "but, and I emphasize but, no s...
Read full storyFrench ex-PM's home and orifice searched
Paris - (Ass Mess): Paris Gendaemerie probing a political dirty tricks campaign has searched the home and offices of Dominique de Villepin, ex-prime minister of France after complaints of a foul stench wafting from his person.
Read full storyHollister To Release A New Jean Line
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Clothing giant Hollister has agreed to release a new line of denim ware. The new line, already endorsed by recording icons Lil' Kim, and Lil' Bootsie, is not made of cloth, as one may be prone to think, but rather a much diff...
Read full storyPresident Ron Paul Announces Milestone in Battle Against National Debt
March 10, 2011 WASHINGTON - President Ron Paul announced today that the national debt has been cut in half since he has taken office. Paul credited the wildly successful reform of Social Security and spending reductions.
Read full storyAl Qaeda Calls for Eye Brow Plucking!
A new Al-Qaeda curse for jihad calls for Muslims who don't subscribe to their radical form of beliefs to submit and have their eyebrow hairs plucked out one by one.
Read full storySven Goran Eriksson Confirmed As Next Manchester City Failure
Ex-England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson has been confirmed as the new Manchester City manager, and is expected to be sacked within 10 months. Eriksson, 59, has agreed a three-year deal worth £9million, and has been promised £100million of laundered...
Read full storyJK Rowling tells Jonathan Ross "The day the cops finally busted me"
London - (Ass Mess): Plagiarising fraudster and copyright thief JK Rowling has told BBC presenter Jonathan Ross about the moment earlier this year when the Serious Fraud Office arrested her in connection with the theft of all seven Harry Potter stori...
Read full storyTour de France ring of steel gives London cops perfect vantage
London - (Ass Mess): As 100,000 police line up on the streets of London this weekend to oversee security for the UK leg of the Tour de France and the Wembley Live Earth gig, perfect conditions have been set in place for the ultimate vantage position...
Read full storyPensioners Protest at Festival Scandal
A large group of pensioners, some in their late 80s, and at least one over 100 years old, gathered in Trafalgar Square today to protest about a lack of government funding for elderly visitors to music festivals.
Read full storyLive Earth = Evil Heart as DC stages 7/7/7 gig
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Numerology lovers have noted with frenzy that the apocalyptic secret behind Washington DC joining the 7/7/7 Life Earth concerts gig this weekend lies in its anagram secret of Evil Heart.
Read full story£14 million social eduction programme: "Behave you little f****rs!"
BRITISH children are now such foul mouthed f*****g animals the Government is to spend 14 million f*****g pounds on drilling some manners into the little sh*ts. The announcement of classes in behaviour and social education caused a storm when it h...
Read full storySmoker's rebellion: 2012 Games In Doubt
A member of the pro-smoking alliance TITS (Tobacco Is The Shit) has put the 2012 Olympic building program "Back by a good six months" according to a spokesman today. The protester, who was seen holding a lit cigarette in the middle of a bui...
Read full storyMcEnroe wins Wimbledon 2007
80's champion John McEnroe has been announced the winner of the 2007 Wimbledon's men's singles title.
Read full story"Greens are right." Bush announces badness offsetting
WASHINGTON DC: President George W Bush has, it seems, embraced the messages of the green movement and now plans to trump them by offsetting his evil.
Read full storyChinese Goods Blasted as Sub-Standard
(Leuters, Beijing) - There is increasing global concern as to the quality of goods being exported from China to the West. In recent months tests on products ranging from dog food to battleships have revealed increasing levels of sub-standard workmans...
Read full storyPoland Has Six Committeess to Fight Red Tape
Poland's government has set up six committees in the past year to fight bureaucracy and simplify laws.
Read full storyCake-car - Skoda go into full production
Following the success of the TV ad campaign, Skoda have decided go go ahead with full production of the car made from sponge cake.
Read full storyGlobal Warming - "Sun has nothing to do with it" - claim
A consortium of scientists today published a report stating that politicians were reponsible for most global warming. The report, endorsed by such prominent academics as UN spokesperson Geri Halliwell, states that the sun's influence is clearly d...
Read full storyL.A. Mayor, Villaraigosa, confirms he was cheating on his wife, only not with the City of Los Angeles but with another woman
Los Angeles, California - After his expulsion from the Mayoral mansion by his wife, Corina Villaraigosa, and her filing for divorce last month, Los Angeles Mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa, announced today what was rumored all along, since his announcemen...
Read full storyAfghan Clerics Want Shariah Law Back
Herat, Afghanistan (Arman-a-Legg Daily) - The US government is outraged that a vocal group of 200 clerics in the western province of Herat have called for Afghanistan to return to the 'good-old-days' of Sharia Law. "Some thanks for us h...
Read full storySummer missing - environmental group claim responsibility
An environmental group claimed to have kidnapped summer in a shock declaration today. They say that they are responsible for the disappearance of the Sun and blue skies, and have replaced summer weather with rain, flooding and the wettest June since...
Read full storyAl Gore Jr. paternity test conducted along with drug testing, at Al Gore Sr. request; results confirm, he's a Kennedy
San Diego, California - Apparently, Al Gore Junior's run-in with the law this week exposed a long standing family feud over his paternity to his father Al Gore Sr. this week when he was pulled over by Police for driving a Toyota Prius over one hu...
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Jade Goody Unrepentant After Driving Ban
Jade Goody, the Celebrity Big Brother houseslug, has been banned from driving for six months after admitting various motoring offences. The 26-year-old, from Chipping Ongar, which is not, as is popularly thought, an erotic sexual position, pleaded...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Didn't Pass 2nd Grade
(MUSICMAN PRESS) Reports from the nation's capital say that the President failed the second grade. Early Friday morning, a Mrs. Wellington, a Texas teacher, brought Bush's report card to The White House, and presented it to Mrs. Bush, who was...
Read full storyBush and Cheney Declare Independence from America
George Bush and Dick Cheney issued a long statement today declaring their independence from the people of the United States of America.
Read full storyTensions mount between Todd and Jason over which Queen album is better
The already tenuous relations between roommates and former best friends Todd Grayson and Jason Drake took another blow recently as both sides have recently decided to stop speaking to one another following weeks of disputes over which Queen album is...
Read full storyJalapenoman to Teach at Prestigious Iowa Writers' Workshop
Iowa City, Iowa (Press-Citizen Staff Writer) - TheSpoof.com regular contributor, Jalapenoman, will teach his seminar "$100 Advice and Guidance For New Spoof Writers" at the University of Iowa's 'Program in Creative Writing&...
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