Written by Andrew Lawrence

Friday, 6 July 2007

image for Smoking, Not Money, Is The Root Of All Evil

A new report by the American Anti-Smoking Crusade shows that smoking has surpassed money as the root of all evil.

Smoking has been linked to heart disease, lung disease, foot & mouth disease, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, teasing, drug addiction, prostitution, gambling, drinking, smuggling, and panhandling. Smoking is also known to occur directly after fornication.

According to the report, smoking is now considered to be the root cause of illegal immigration, air pollution, forest fires, littering, clogged sewers, recession, low gas mileage, corporate greed, adultery, divorce, teenage pregnancy, whining, obesity, anorexia and erectile dysfunction.

It is the leading cause of illiteracy and poverty and the deterioration of the American education system, K-12.

Smoking is also known to cause war, drought, famine, global warming and menopause (both male and female). Smoking is also a major factor in celebrity bad behavior and political corruption scandals.

In America, smoking has become a sin. In America, smoking in public is considered to be worse than pissing in public. Smoking may soon be banned everywhere throughout the country or at the very least punishable by stoning. In America, smokers have no rights and are heavily abused and heavily taxed by non-smokers.

In America, money is no longer the root of all evil. The root of all evil is now smoking.

copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Smoking, evil

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
69 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more