An environmental group claimed to have kidnapped summer in a shock declaration today. They say that they are responsible for the disappearance of the Sun and blue skies, and have replaced summer weather with rain, flooding and the wettest June since records began.
An environmentalist dressed in camouflage gear with his face covered by a balaclava, read a statement from up a tree near Kensington Palace.
"The Real Green Army has kidnapped Summer, and we demand a seat in the new cabinet for our representative, David "God" Icke. We want more television coverage, and freedom for cyclists to use the motorway hard shoulders. We want the speed limit on motorways reduced to 20mph, to save emissions. Otherwise, we will not allow the Sun to shine until our demands are met."
They also threatened to melt polar ice caps and increase CO2 concentrations above seasonal norms.
The new Minister for Green policy, Sir Init Forthemoney, stated that Government policy was never to negotiate with terrorists, unless they were IRA, and in any case there was no evidence that Summer was missing. "It may well be somewhat late, this year," he said. "There was some minor pooling of water near Yorkshire, but it has not affected people's resolve. I'm sure that the British public will just get on with it, and pay their taxes as normal." he added.
The holiday industry recorded increased booking for holidays out of Britain as the weather patterns continued.
A spokesman for Wimbledon (rip off) plc said that it was unlikely that the schedule of matches would be completed in the fortnight, and that unfortunately they would have to sell tickets for another three days. He was so upset at this he had to keep using a handkerchief to suppress obvious distress.
