Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 6 July 2007

image for Sven Goran Eriksson Confirmed As Next Manchester City Failure
Mmm...Sven likes the ladies

Ex-England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson has been confirmed as the new Manchester City manager, and is expected to be sacked within 10 months, writes Monkey Woods.

Eriksson, 59, has agreed a three-year deal worth £9million, and has been promised £100million of laundered Thai money to buy players with.

The Swede has been plucked from the footballing wilderness, by disgraced former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra who now owns more than 75% of City. The ex-Lazio manager's first move was to install his old mucker, Taut Grip, as his no.2, as he did during his farcical period as England boss.

City club executive Alistair Mackintosh said:

"Sven is a great acquisition for us. Although he completely ruined English football and embarrassed himself and others with various sex scandals, we feel that he could get us a few home wins and keep us up this season if we're lucky."

Eriksson became involved with Bangladeshi-born Eastern Princess Faria Alam, an FA Secretary at Lancaster Gate. Alam subsequently appeared on the Celebrity Big Brother show and revealed all. Prior to that, he bedded fellow Swede Ulrika Jonsson, who worked with Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer on Shooting Stars.

City won only eleven games last season, and could do with a few shooting stars of their own, having finished only four points above the relegation zone. This time around, it is bound to be the same, and Eriksson will be lucky to see Christmas as the Sky Blues' manager.

Eriksson told fans on the club's website:

"Lazio and Manchester City are two very similar teams. Their badges are alike, and both play in sky blue and white. I believe very strongly in omens like this."

Former manager Stuart 'Psycho' Pearce raised his eyebrows when he heard of Eriksson's appointment, saying:

"Oh yeah, there's plenty of decent birds in Manchester for him to have a go at."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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