WASHINGTON DC: President George W Bush has, it seems, embraced the messages of the green movement and now plans to trump them by offsetting his evil.
Long accused of being a Global Warming Denier, a frontman for the American oil industry and a simple-minded gimp who struggles with the simplest of motor tasks before we even look at how his brain works Bush, in his final term, has ambitious plans for a squeaky clean legacy, thanks to the green concept of offsetting.
Making his announcement initially to an an empty room, the confused Texan was soon ushered into the presence of the international press.
"Kinda warm in here, but I guess that's the upside of your global warming," President Bush joked before announcing plans to offset the extreme badnesses (his words) of American foreign policy under his leadership.
"In order to debadify things we will goodness where and when we can," he said.
"People say that Iraq is now a basket-case state on the edge of a bloody civil war that could easily spread through the entire region as an historical and violent schism between Sunni and Shia.
"I like Sunni and Shia, they made some great records and Sunni had a proud record as a Republican congressman," the confused World's most powerful man continued.
"No-one wants this schism and in order to offset this division talks are already underway at the highest levels to reunite not only the New Kids On The Block but also the Brady Bunch, the surviving Waltons and Menudo."
Warming to his task, Jeb Bush's dumber brother, moved to suggest that many historical wrongs could be righted in this way, bringing into being a 'Worldwide and lasting settlement of badnesses into goodnesses'.
Plans under consideration include: doing Vietnam's gardening and washing for a month in order to offset the damage of the Vietnam war. Screening happy documentaries about musicians from Latin America in a week long festival to offset the US's support for juntas and dictatorships south of the Rio Grande. Goodwill visits from Californian Replublican Governator Arnie Schwarzenegger - to include the full 'I'll be back' schtick and free screenings Kindergarten Cop - of are thought to be at the forefront of plans to offset less heinous wrongs.
"Perhaps now people will see we do want a kindler, gentler world," a smiling President Bush concluded.
