Sen. Craig's Court transcript released: claims he was moonlighting as an airport restroom spit and polish shoeshine man
Washington, D.C. - Fearful that he would be discovered he had to supplement his government employee income by working a second job at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International airport, Senator Craig took his shoeshine man business into the bathroom stal...
Read full storyPalace fury at stupid 'William's secret wedding' reports
Clarence House - (Ass Mess): Buckingham Palace is said to be livid at a spate of Daily Mail fantasy-peddling claims that the heir apparent to the Pretender to the Throne secretly wed his former girlfriend Kate Middleton while on Holiday at Butlins in...
Read full storyUneducated Brocolli
A recent development has sprung from the news that Cauliflower is now the least well educated of the vegetable family.
Read full storyYet another princess sanitises Wikipedia entry over drug baron past
The Hague, Netherlands - (Ass Mess & Uterus): The Queen Mum started it, followed by the Puppet Monarch Old Fatty Mountbatten herself, then Princess Margaret, Princess Anne and finally Diana, Princess of Wales.
Read full storyMr Bronson's Favourite Children's Books
We spoke to friendly headmaster Mr Bronson about his favourite children's books. They are...
Read full story10 Things Victor Meldrew can believe
Professional Miserabilist, see-er of empty glasses and man old enough to remember when God was a boy, Victor Meldrew does believe the following things:...
Read full storyAyles Ice Island threatens Corrupt Bastards pipeline
Resolute Bay - (Ass Mess): A massive ice island is threatening to cut off Corrupt Bastards Club pipelines after drifting from its 2005 Canadian coastal break-off point towards Resolute Bay's neighboring oil and gas installations.
Read full storyInternational Male Conspiracy to Meet
The International Male Conspiracy Against Women announced today that Tokyo will be the site of its annual meeting this year.
Read full storyHomer J. Simpson Dislikes Ned Flanders
Scientist and Master Of All Things Simpson, Mr. Chain McFredfredburger, has found evidence in several Simpsons episodes that the character by the name of Homer J. Simpson shows a lot of negative energy around a Mr. Ned Flanders.
Read full storyWeapons Hazardous, Researcher Says
Berkeley, CA. A scientist at the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory announced the results of a five-year study which he contends shows the existence of a possible link between the detonation of explosive devices in heavily-populated areas and an increased...
Read full storyCat attacks Goblin
An irate cat assaulted a defenseless Goblin in an abandoned warehouse in Washington, DC yesterday.
Read full storyDutch prostitute wins Belching trophy
Dutch prostitute, Maria Engels, won the golden ball at this years International Belching Championships held in Oslo, Norway.
Read full story"I'm handsomer than Hell..." Mitt Romney admits in public for the first time
Overflow, Utah - Before a gathering of five thousand outside the Overflow branch of the JSNMM (Just Say No Monogamous Mormon's Club), presidential hopeful Mitt Romney opened with a rousing line that drew sustained applause.
Read full storyHumans evolved from arm-chairs, claim scientists
Scientists at the University of Oklahoma, have proposed that human beings evolved from arm-chairs.
Read full storyInvisible Man Gets Invisible Tan
DAYTONA BEACH, FL (AP Newsliar) -- The Invisible Man expressed consternation yesterday that nobody could see the truly righteous tan he has been working on.
Read full storyAmerica to Allow Drunk Driving
HILLSDALE, MICHIGAN- Citing a recent spike in Americans driving while under the influence of alcohol the Bush Administration has introduced new legislation requiring impaired drivers to follow a speed limit twenty miles per hour above what is current...
Read full storyBush Guarantees A Home For Every Poor Person In America
(Washington) - President George W. Bush today announced that he was using his presidential power to guarantee that every poor person in America would be able to afford a home.
Read full storyBush Introduces Another Anti-Terrorism Device
The Bush administration has approved the Office of the Director of National Intelligence and the Department of Homeland Security to continue development on a machine that will read people's souls.
Read full storyArchaeological Surprise
Archaeologists from the Centre for Scientific Input (CSI) in Cardiff have unearthed a startling discovery. Working on a site rumoured to be the summer palace of King Arthur on the Breacon Beacons, they came upon a large burial chamber. Within the cha...
Read full storyBig Brother Twins Sam And Amanda Aren't Really Twins
As the Big Brother show winds to its terrible conclusion tonight, Channel 4 bosses have revealed a revelation well worth revealing, say experts.
Read full storyAmerica's Newest Minority Group - Rich White Males
(Washington) - With the population of the United States now standing at 300 million, the newest group to be granted official minority status is: rich white males.
Read full storyBush demands £25 billion to stop offensive Iraq
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): George W Bush has said he wants £25billion to stop the offensive business of Iraq.
Read full storyHillary tells Letterman of Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club encounter
New Yor, - (Ass Mess): Wannabe presidential contender Hillary Clinton told Dacvid Letterman on Thursday night about a summer vacation spent in Alaska during which she had her initial encounters with the state's Corrupt Bastards Club.
Read full storyBeckham's stellar career "over in next 48 hours"
Los Angele, California - (Asas Mess): LA Galaxy will dump David Beckham, their stellar new signing, "sometime over the weekend" according to soccer sources who say the former Real Madrid striker has ben a dead loss financially to the Los An...
Read full storyMonster web spun around Predator Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas
Crawford, tezarse - (Ass Mes): A monster web of deceit has been discovered surrounding the Predator Chapel Ranch home of George W Bush according to Texas A&M University entomologist Professor John Jackman.
Read full storyBush Cabinet falls apart: White house carpenter quits.
After years of degeneration and ware and tare, Bush's treasured Cabinet has finally broken down and can no longer contain anything; his scattered crumbled up memo's, doodle pad for late night meetings, and even his emergency change of clothes...
Read full storyLender of last resort bails out Barclays with £1.6billion
London - (Ass Mess): The Bank of England has stepped in for the second time this month as lender of the l;ast resort with a £1.6 billion loan to troubled UK high street bank Barclays.
Read full storyStudy Reveals Consensus on Lack of Global Warming Consensus
HAMBURG, GERMANY (AP Newsliar) A recent survey conducted to gage the opinions of climate researchers reveals there is now consensus on the fact that there is no consensus on the question of whether global warming is predominantly caused by human acti...
Read full storyAmerican Trucks Begin Crossing Border Saturday! Now gringos, terrorists, can enter Mexico, too!
MEXICO, Federal District. The first American trucks will begin crossing the border, confirming deeply held fears in Mexico that Mexican sovereignty has been lost.
Read full storyOfficial GOP Elephant Wants OUT of Republican Party
AC DC - In Washington to day Clyde the official Republican elephant and mascot announced he is becoming an "independent". Clyde, who has learned 3000 words of a special sign language, spoke to reporters through an interpretor.
Read full storyHellfire Club grandees gather at Diana memorial service
Guards Chapel, Wellington Bollox - (Ass Mess): Over 200 members of the UK's Hellfire Club gathered at the Guards Chapel in Wellington Bollox today to pay homage to their greatest fantasy creation who died at the hands of a drunk driver ten years...
Read full storyZoo Apologizes to Kindergarten Classes for Putting Baby Panda in Lion's Den
TEXAS - Several Mendacity Springs ISD kindergarten classes were sent into extreme hysterics yesterday when a mathematical error took the life of orphaned baby panda, Snuggles Smiles-A-Lot. Zoo officials are still investigating the mishap that happene...
Read full storyMale Republican Politicians Ordered to Wear Adult Diapers
The Republican National Committee felt it had to take this action, citing too much temptation attached to restroom visits while on the road. "The GOP has come to stand for grand old perverts," one disgusted committee member complained.
Read full storyOsama Bin Ladin and Sheryl Crow to Wed!
Burka, Pakistan - Sheryl Crow shocked fans and the music world today when she announce she is giving up her mediocre career to be come the 20th wife of Osama Bin Laden.
Read full storyPesos Accepted at Washington DC Taco Bells
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- When Taco Bell announced plans to accept Mexican pesos in its 19 Washington, DC-area restaurants, the fast food chain was besieged by a mixture of praise as well as anti-illegal immigrant hate mail.
Read full storySolar Ice Caps Discovered
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Scientists at the Mount Palomar campus announced the discovery of polar ice caps on the sun today. The news has shaken most of the scientific world with the exception of Poland.
Read full storyWhite House pranksters give Rove's car an extreme makeover as a giant prophylactic; only he was not in it at the time, they say
Washington, D.C. - While away at President Bush's ranch in Crawford, Texas, some of Carl Rove's White House co-workers back in Washington decided to carryout some gamesmanship of their own in honor of their beloved political stagiest's de...
Read full story