Lender of last resort bails out Barclays with £1.6billion

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 31 August 2007

image for Lender of last resort bails out Barclays with £1.6billion
Whatever next? A run on the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street herself?

London - (Ass Mess): The Bank of England has stepped in for the second time this month as lender of the l;ast resort with a £1.6 billion loan to troubled UK high street bank Barclays.

"Liquidity problems?" a City source said today. "People are paranoid about emergency borrowing in the current climate because they can scent the smell of fear."

"We have no liquidity issues," a Barclays source emphasised today despite frantic rumors in the City that its European consolidated debt CEO has run off with £3 billion of the bank's money.

"In fact we are brimming - nay absolutely flush! - with money," the source continued, "and just because it is somebody else's money doesn't mean to say we'll be nailing up the front doors to all our branches come next Monday!

"All these hammers, nails, metallic shutters??

"Just part of a normal consignment of construction-related building materials. ABSOLUTELY nothing to worry about!"

Meanwhile in London's Canary Wharf financial quarter a private detective agency spokesman refused point blank confirm or deny that the missing Barclays trader had been traced to a Bush Administration banana republic somewhere near Crawford, Texas - fuelling rife speculation that Barclays will go under "by some time next week."

Barclays exposure to the Bank of England is now rumored to be in excess of £2 billion.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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