George Bush to live in Africa as "Tarzan figure"
President George W Bush wants to live in Africa and become a Tarzan-like figure.
Read full storyFidel Castro hires dance act Stomp to be personal bodyguards
Unwell Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has hired noisy dance troupe Stomp as personal bodyguards.
Read full storyMichael Jackson opens free babysitting service
Plastic faced Holocaust denier, Michael Jackson has opened a child-minding center right in the heart of Beverly Hills. "It's for deprived rich kids", squealed Jackson, "it's a plac...
Read full storyIndiana Jones movie closes New Delhi hair salon
Makers of the new "Indiana Jones" movie apologized for the forced closure of a hair salon in New Delhi, India. "We apologized to staff and customers and it's been cleared up", said a...
Read full storyParents concerned about computer game addiction
Growing numbers of parents whose children play computer games have been expressing concerns to their pediatricians about the addictive nature of the software. Adults are also falling prey to the phenomenon.
Read full storyHomeland Insecurity chief Chertoff tipped for Gonzo's post
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Trying to find a perfidious, incompetent, self-preserving, justice-perverting douchebag to equal or better Alberto Gonzales's record is no mean feat but DC sources tonight are confident that Homeland Insecurity chief M...
Read full storyMittens Stolen
HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY (AP Newsliar) -- Three little kittens lost their mittens this morning in an apparent burglary, police reported today.
Read full storyAlberto Gonzales To Be Replaced By Magic Eight Ball
Washington, D.C. - It was the start of a momentous week in the nation's capital when first Attorney General Alberto Gonzales agreed to step down after coming under increasing scrutiny by both parties in Congress for his firing of U.S. attorneys i...
Read full storyDonut throwing now legal
In a sports story destined to try to make the lives of life-long couch potatoes easier, the sport of Donut throwing has now been made legal.
Read full storyOpium Premiums are better than Oil and Petroleum!
Top investments expert Miles Digweed today recommended buying into the blossoming opium production industry in Afghanistan. "Growth over the past 12 months has been extraordinary," he stated, "and prospects look good for a repeat in 20...
Read full storyTsunami to annihilate Canada
Canada was bracing itself today for a threatened tsunami. The horror wave could hit at any time according to Calgary's expert on natural disasters, Austin Shaw.
Read full storyBarclays cut to junk status after trader legs it with £3 billion funds
Canary Wharf, London - (Ass Mess): Barclay's Capital has been relegated from its triple-A to junk status after its head of collateralized debt obligations, Edward Cahill, did a runner with a suspected £3 billion of the bank's funds.
Read full storyEclipsed Full Moon Heralds End of Puppet Monarchy
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Tuesday's eclipsed full moon is the harbinger of imminent doom for the Puppet Monarchy.
Read full storyRats and that sinking ship feeling...
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): One of President Bush's closest and most trussed advisors has quit in the wake of an imminently-erupting scandal at the Justice Department.
Read full storyBush Staff Abandons D.C. Like Rats on a Sinking Ship
Washington (DC) - A visit by our Washington correspondent reveals that the White House is almost deserted these days thanks to Bush staff jumping ship in the panic that precedes the impeachment of the Commander in Chimp.
Read full storyGonzales Quits Bush Regime to Become Security Guard at Disneyland
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has resigned from the Bush Regime to become a security guard at Disneyland Florida.
Read full storySpace Void Just Bird Poo
The apparent one billion light-year void in space discovered by a University of Minnesota team has proved to be nothing more than pigeon droppings on some of the radio telescopes used to survey the heavens.
Read full storyRon Paul Spammer exposed, dirty tricks
The source for this news is one of the staff over at LevitraCialisCheapCheapViagra.com.
Read full storyAlberto Gonzales to Sell Che Guevara T-Shirts
Washington (IP) - Alberto Gonzales was fired today for wearing and selling Che Guevara T-Shirts on government time. Bush says he is a big fan of Che but that selling any item while on duty is cause for immediate dismissal.
Read full storyCuba is Alberto Gonzales Destination
Washington (IP) - Alberto Gonzales who has been on loan from Cuba and has been serving as America's Attorney General is calling it quits. He has gathered his belongings and is heading to Key West, Florida.
Read full storyThelma from Scooby Doo admits she was never scared in Ghost Hunting documentary
Thelma, the dowdy glasses wearing Ghost Detective from supernatural documentary Scooby Doo has revealed that she was never frightened of the ghosts in the films.
Read full storyCliff Richard admits to a liking for the music of Iron Maiden
Cliff Richard, Britain's answer to Elvis Presley admitted to his friend and long time political ally Tony Blair that he really likes the music of Iron Maiden.
Read full storyFour Degrees of Barry Bostwick
Television Actor Barry Bostwick, star of many straight to TV Melodramas, and the Mayor of New York in comedy Spin City has now found famed of another sort, as the central character of a new game, Four Degrees of Barry Bostwick.
Read full storyFamily Guy's Stewie Griffin not bad, just misunderstood
Breaking news from Quahog is that Stewie, the youngest member of lovable cartoon family that is not the Simpsons, the Griffins in Family Guy, is not bad, he is simply misunderstood, and that the many times in which he has threatened violence against...
Read full storyMixed Reviews for Review
An actor, famed for his tantrums has given a savage review a mixed review himself.
Read full storyStranger in Emmerdale found to not be a missing Dingle
An extra on ITV's early evening light tragedy, Emmerdale was revealed to not be another dingle character bought into the soap.
Read full storyDeath Star - Not the best present ever
Darth Vader, the villian of Space based documentary Star Wars has admitted that buying a Death Star for his long -estranged daughter Princess Leia was probably not the best move.
Read full storyPheww! Britain Swelters In Bank Holiday Hot Spell
Proof if proof were needed that global warming is taking hold of Britain in an icy death-like grip, as for the first time in living memory the weather over the bank holiday has been nice.
Read full storyFire at Olympia! Prometheus sought for questioning; Brangelina held as a material witness by Athenian authorities
Athens, Greece - Prometheus, disappointed with what man has done with the gift of Fire he gave to them, reportedly decided to take it back. Unfortunately, as he was returning to Olympia, he ran into some old college-drinking buddies. Together they at...
Read full storyBush Condemns World's "Small Countries"
In a rare moment of unscripted candidness, American President George Bush spent time away from answering questions at a recent speech to students at the University of Kansas to voice his displeasures and concerns about small countries.
Read full storyMarathon or Snickers? You decide.
Mars is bringing back the Marathon bar in response to demand from internet campaigners.
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