Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Trying to find a perfidious, incompetent, self-preserving, justice-perverting douchebag to equal or better Alberto Gonzales's record is no mean feat but DC sources tonight are confident that Homeland Insecurity chief Michael Chertoff is their man.
The Patriot Act's co-author certainly looks scary enough for the job and is reputed to be Hollywood's original facial model for Arnold Schwarzenegger's oxygen-deprived, bulbous-eyed Douglas Quaid in the penultimate scenes of Total Recall where asphyxiation, decompression and exposure threaten to explode his head causing his eyes to pop up as if on stalks.
Gonzales quit today after Special Prosecutor Patrick FitzGerald played a blinder and corralled Bush's dissembling Dallas November 2nd 1963 alibi as the quantum force behind illegal wiretaps of CIA, FBI and NSA top brass.
Gonzales has promised to eke out the misery until September 17th by which time Dick Cheney would have either had a neural seizure or experienced all the arterial stitches suddenly bursting open in his quadruple by-pass needlework.
That of course just leaves Bush who in the next few days will bid a fond farewell to White House shock-jock Tony Snow and personal fantasist Karl Rove.
Events shortly after this Tuesday's eclipsed full moon may provide the catalyst to speed up Bush's own early departure if top secret NATO whisperings are anything to go by.
Laura Bush is a hired actress.
