Mittens Stolen

Funny story written by Doppelbock

Monday, 27 August 2007

image for Mittens Stolen
Where the fuck are our mittens?

HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY (AP Newsliar) -- Three little kittens lost their mittens this morning in an apparent burglary, police reported today.

The burglary occurred at the home of the kitten's mother Fluffy, who called 9-1-1 to report the theft. Social Services was dispatched to the cats' home to check on the welfare of the three kittens, who could be heard crying in the background. The kittens were found to be in good shape, if a bit distraught, and the mother had appropriately punished them for being irresponsible with their mittens by withholding pie.

Police are pursuing all leads at this point, including reports that a rat was smelled nearby in the neighborhood. This is the latest in a rash of crimes committed in the vicinity; three days ago Mary Quite Contrary was charged with growing marijuana in her garden, and last week local resident Georgie Porgie was arrested for sexual assault.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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